SPRING BREAK!!!! WHOOO!!!!!!

I'm feeling good about the fact that it's spring break. Really, I'm just glad that I don't have to go out to my thesis site for another week and a half. I need to reconstruct my soul before I go out there, because I have been under heavy barrage for the last month or so. Even when things go well out there, they don't really go that well. Yesterday, instead of going out to Brooklyn, I invited the kids into the city to see an after-school performance of a physical comedy/mask show at a theatre I work for. The show was funny, but my group showed up 25 minutes after it started, so I don't know if they got the whole effect. I think that maybe one or two of the kids are really going to get a tiny little glimmer of goodness out of this whole process, but the others are just going to be turned off of theatre for the rest of their lives. Is that a fair trade off?

But, for now, it's spring break. Lots of family this break. Sister is here now. We're going to see Grandma and Grandpa today. Aunts and Uncles tomorrow. Next week we fly to Portland to see brothers, sisters, parents, in-laws, and of course my precious and perfect new niece.

ZPJ and I realized at one point that all our vacations seem to revolve around our families, and that's not a bad thing because nine days out of ten we really really love our families and enjoy spending time with them. But we've also decided to take a vacation on our own this year, so in May we're going to Jamaica to sit on the beach and stare at the ocean for a few days- just the two of us. I'm excited.

I hope that with all the family and travelling I'll be able to relax and decompress a little bit. And after I get back, only five more weeks. Then, what will be will be, I guess.

Congrats!

Congrats to Nicole and Ryan on their ENGAGEMENT!!!!

I am also unjustifiably proud of being the first person that Nicole called after Ryan made the speech and presented the ring (it was too late at night for her to call her folks).

Much love and luck to them!

5 Star Night

Best. Night. Ever.

We went and watched the elephants walk down 34th Street at 1 in the morning on their way to the circus. It was awesome. My pictures didn't turn out too great, but the videos did. If I ever figure out how to work YouTube, I'll post them. Until then...

Since the night was still young and warm, we decided to check out the view from the Empire State Building. AMAZING. It was 20 minutes before the deck closed, and we were the only people there besides the building staff (who tried to take us out for drinks), so we had a completely haze-free private viewing of the city. It was incredible.

I love this city.

NFT

My sister has been in town since Saturday and shall continue to be until next Saturday, so we've been playing tourist a little bit this week. This week so far we have:

gone to a grotesque clown adaptation of The Glass Menagerie

gone wine tasting on the North Forkvisited the dull and barren wasteland that is Central Park in the winter and got filmed in the background of a documentary about an ancient man in an orange jacket training for the ING marathon

explored Spanish art at the Guggenheim

and enjoyed some exceptionally beautiful weather.
Today I was working all day so Carolyn was on her own and apparently only got lost on the subway once. She isn't home yet, though, so that's only the tally so far. I feel compelled to take care of her and give her unnecessarily detailed directions despite the fact that I know that we learn best through experience and making mistakes. I know that she's old enough to get around on her own- she's even going to Morocco on her own for the summer- but I still have to worry about her. She's my little sister.

At Last!

It turns out that as I typed my last post, I actually had been an aunt for about an hour. Amelia Claire was born very early Friday morning, healthy and as happy as could be expected!!!! Laura is doing well, although she sounded extremely exhausted when I talked to her yesterday. I'm just happy as a clam, and am posting some pictures for you to all oooh and aaahhh over. Check out that head of hair!!! In fact, just check out that head! She is definitely a member of ZPJ's family...Amelia Claire, 3/23/07, 7lbs 6oz, 19.5 inches.

Is It Spring?

All signs point to yes.

The birds are singing.

The air is (somewhat) fresh.

The snow has (almost) melted.

I went out without my puffy coat yesterday and it wasn't a mistake.

I hope that it stays nice like this for a little while. My sister is coming to town for her spring break and I have a feeling we'll be running around town a lot.

I think I'm ready for my spring break, too. I'm looking forward to my P-Land trip in just over a week. It's going to be fabulous.

Any minute now I am going to be an aunt, but that little girl is taking her sweet time. My poor sister-in-law is not very happy about being several days over her due-date. She was convinced that she would have the baby in early March, and here it is almost April. Last I heard she and AJ were going to the mall to try to walk that baby out. So I'm sending her all my love and best, dilating thoughts today.

Alright- I'm going to go hike around the South Bronx. It's going to be a beautiful day.

Comments

It was brought to my attention that my site was not allowing non-blogger-registered-viewers to post comments. I blamed blogger bitterly for some time for their elitist discrimination, and then realized that I just had to reset my settings to allow anyone to comment. So I did. Comment away!!! I love, love, love hearing from you all.

Etiquette Question

I have a question about etiquette that I am going to rely on you all to help me with.

Some friends of mine are having an engagement party at a bar in the city this weekend. They were planning a big, fall wedding upstate, but a couple months into the planning decided instead to "elope" and go get married in Italy over the summer instead. It isn't really eloping, I guess, since it's being planned out months in advance, but if they use that word they get out of having to invite anyone. So, here is the question: do we bring a gift to the engagement party? They are registered for wedding gifts at the usual places, but if they aren't having a wedding, when do we give them the gift? This party seems relatively formal- it had a fancy invitation and RSVP and an open bar and so on. Normally I wouldn't bring a gift to an engagement party, but they got engaged about 5 months ago and planned this party when they realized that they wouldn't be having a big wedding. I don't want to show up with a gift if no one else does, but I certainly don't want the opposite to happen either.

What do you think?

I should have known better...

I found some really cool vintage iron chairs on craigslist and I though "wow, these would be so cool in my new garden" and I started writing to the woman who was selling them. We exchanged several emails, developing something of a witty banter between us. I almost thought we were becoming friends. After confirming a couple times that I would come pick them up tonight, she told me to call when I was on my way and get the exact address- she had already given me the intersection. It was quite a bit south, so ZPJ and I reserved a zip car (actually a zip truck) and drove down through the southern neighborhoods of Brooklyn to meet her and pick up our new chairs. She never answered her phone. Not the fifteen times that I called. So we drove around Bensonhurst for half an hour and then had to make our way home before the zip truck was due back.

I'm tempted to give all of you, my loyal readers, her email address so that you can send her irritating emails to revenge my craigslist deal gone bad. But I won't. I will say, however, that if you ever meet a Dianne Pinto in your walk through life, send her a dirty look for me.

Craigslist is wonderful, my readers, yes it is. But it is also fraught with peril. Be warned.

I just found out that the paper I submitted on "Reminiscence Drama for Seniors" was accepted, so now I just need to find out exactly what "presenting a paper" entails. Suggestions, anyone? Power point? Handouts? I don't even know.

Two conferences so far this year! I might finally be an academic....

Progress?

I went out to the project site today but I had to cancel today's workshop because only three kids showed up. I'm feeling okay, though, better than I usually do, because despite this and several other disconcerting things, the program director told me that she heard from the kids that last week went really well. "They were bragging about how well it went on Thursday and about the scenes they made." This floored me, it really did. I mean, it went better than usual on Thursday, but that isn't saying a ton. Maybe I'm at the turning point in that movie. It doesn't seem like it, but I'm prepared to begin accepting that success might not appear in a form that I would normally classify as successful.

Why Not Procrastinate? Pt. 2

Mondays are hard. I am not feeling like working, even though I have much working to do. I've actually been busier than expected for the last five or six weeks, but now I have a small stretch in which I have very little booked into my planner. I still have plenty to do, of course, but it is harder for me to structure my time when my day looks a little empty. I should make some lists.

Things I have not done yet today:

• written my logs for my last two visits to my project site
• planned my next project visit
• made an appointment with my advisor
• started actually writing my thesis
• sorted through all my emails
• eaten anything other than a banana and some nuts (and, if we're being totally honest, a couple of hershey kisses in seasonal-colored wrappers)

And now, to make myself feel better, things that I have done today:

• extensively shopped online for patio furniture
• shopped online for urban gardening books
• shopped online for new drapes
• restrained myself from actually buying anything online since I'm broke due to the fact that I unexpectedly had to pay a huge security deposit on a new apartment
• submitted an invoice for work last week in hopes of receiving money to buy gardening equipment
• walked to nicole's house to feed/walk her sweet puppies since she is out of town
• made it home from nicole's in time to meet the fresh direct delivery guys
• blogged about not doing any work

That does actually make me feel much better.

It's only 1:30. I still have plenty of time ahead of me. Let's see if I can knock anything off of that first list.

Life Changing

Something amazing and unexpected happened yesterday: ZPJ and I signed a lease on a new apartment!!!

I had sworn that we had stopped looking, my spirit broken by too many disappointments, but ZPJ gets very very bored at work, so he had still been scanning the Internet listing and came across a very tempting opportunity.

1 BR apt in brownstone on President St between 8th Ave & Prospect Park West.
Apartment features an enclosed sunroom and a large private garden.
The apartment has a new kitchen with granite counters, a dishwasher and built in microwave oven.
The living room has an exposed brick wall.
Steps to Prospect Park.
Laundry in building.

We made an appointment to see it Saturday morning, and within an hour we had signed a lease. Good thing, too, because they were showing it all day and if we had waited even fifteen minutes someone else might have put down a deposit. It doesn't look like much at the moment because it's in the middle of renovations and there are wires sticking out of the walls, but that means that it is going to be completely new when we move in.

So, we'll be moving about a mile away next month, and our lives will drastically change. Not only will we have extra room (literally, an extra room) to spread out a little bit, but we will have OUR OWN BACKYARD. This is huge. This is life changing. We are going to be able to sit outside in the evenings, eat dinner outside, bbq outside, party outside, garden outside. We might even let the cats outside. Supervised, of course. It is going to be amazing. The backyard even has a little pond!!! It was hard to tell exactly what we are in for because it was covered with snow and ice as a result of the super, super sucky storm that we had on Friday, but I have visions of roses and herb gardens and a new set of patio furniture. I'm so excited!!!

So, for all of you NYCers, plan on a big party at the end of April. And for the rest of you, plan a trip to visit us soon and we'll set up an air mattress for you in the sunroom that will have a great view of our new garden.

I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Not Procrastinate?

After procrastinating for two and a half months, I realized last night that the deadline for two conferences I had been planning on submitting papers/proposals to was today. I had planned on spending several weeks crafting the perfect submissions, but it turns out that was unnecessary because I busted them out last night and this morning. My best work ever? Probably not. But mediocre and submitted is better than non-existent and not submitted, right?

I was reminiscing yesterday with another teaching artist about high school and what a slacker I was and how I never really put a lot of work into anything, and golly, how did I manage to graduate with honors? Then I realized I am still doing the exact same thing now- waiting until the night before something is due to start working on it. But now they are in- a workshop proposal for the Performing the World conference entitled "Discerning Community Issues for Youth Theatre Devising" and a paper submission for the Drama Across the Curriculum and Beyond Forum entitled "Reminiscence Drama for Seniors: Stimulating Mind, Bodies, and Community." Don't I sound smart?

It actually was therapeutic to write the devising workshop proposal- it's supposedly going to be based on my thesis project work, and it was kind of nice to realize that I can still write intelligently about this project even if it is, practically speaking, a complete disaster. That gives me a little hope for the thesis paper itself. Which, of course, has yet to be started. Any day now...

It is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful outside!!! It's after midnight and it's 60 degrees!!! I kinda don't want to go to bed so I can stay up and enjoy the wonderful weather, because weather.com says it's going to be snowing again by Friday...

The Challenge Continues

Thanks to those of you who left me encouraging words about my troubles with the thesis project. I am partially distressed by how much my life is feeling like the first half of one of those "good teacher/bad school" movies, and I feel like I'm almost to the scene where I get fed up and threaten to quit and one of the kids- you know, the natural-leader-but-also-an-instigator, says something like "big surprise- everyone leaves us" and also partially distressed because I am not sure that there is going to be a redemptive second half to this movie. These kids just seriously don't like me. And they don't seem to like theatre much, either. And I'm not sure that I blame them, because we're just not really having much fun. Today started off well- I'm sure that their regular leader chewed them out after the disaster session last week- but it completely disintegrated when he left and the other leader fell asleep as I tried to lead the young people through a devising session. High point: one of the groups actually made a really funny, clear scene. Low point: several of the other kids loudly booed them off the stage. Nice, huh? I asked the booers to leave, as this was the 15th time today that I had asked them to refrain from calling the other kids "wack", "gay", "faggots", and various other endearments, but they just ignored me and started banging on the piano that we had been told not to use.

I have tried using lots of structure. I have tried using very little structure. I have tried to scaffold progressively challenging workshops with clear goals and outcomes for the kids to self-assess. I've tried just playing games. I've tried group activities. I've tried individual activities. I've tried written-based work. I've tried physically-based work. I've tried being friendly. I've tried being neutral. I've tried every student-centered management technique that I've ever seen or heard of. But the basic fact it comes down to is that these kids don't like me and they don't like theatre and I can't seem to change their minds. I don't even really care if they like me very much, I'm just frustrated by the fact that they are aggressively opposed to every activity that I bring in. This is really, really hard work.

The rough part is when I get home and I have to spend several hours writing my log of the day's activities. I have to relive the whole thing. Even though I know that it is for the best, it drains me even more, and I inevitably spend several hours staring at various web sites or the television instead. So thank you to you all, my dear readers, for giving me something to do.

Identity Crisis

Proving my identity has been something of a theme for the last week. After discovering that I had lost my social security card, I had to go stand in line at the Brooklyn office and apply for a new card, which was straightforward enough. Then I had to get fingerprinted for a new job, which supposedly required that they see my social security card, but fortunately they forgot to ask (comforting to know that the NYDOE is so on top of things when it comes to ensuring our kids' safety). Then I had to fill out an employee verification form for the new job, which, you know, has the "one from column A or two from column B" business, but I couldn't meet those requirements because, of course, I am ss-cardless for the next two weeks and my passport has my maiden name on it (still) and my dad refuses to give me my birth certificate, insisting that he instead keep it in a fireproof lockbox in his gun room. So I turned in a copy of my old passport, marriage certificate, and a print out from the SSA office saying that they are issuing me a new card, none of which are actually valid forms of ID or in either column A or column B, but somehow they let me start working (I think they may have just been tired of the whole thing). So today, ZPJ and I truck down to the local post office to apply for new passports. Not only will it be nice to have irrefutable proof that I am who I say I am, but we are a mere 10 weeks away from our big Caribbean vacation, which will definitely require passports. Perilously close to the edge of the window in which we can apply for new ones, but still within it. There was a real hullabaloo at the post office when we got there, however. Apparently the only person in the office certified to process passport applications has been consistently deciding not to show up to work lately and so the window has been consistently closed during its posted hours. Not such a big deal for ZPJ and me- we'll just come back on Thursday- but apparently a group of women had waited for long periods of time yesterday and today after being told that the window would be open and as we left, the harried postal worker behind the bullet-proof glass was being screamed at by three angry women with thick, brooklynese accents. She's having a much worse day than I am.

Hopefully I will be able to get this all sorted out soon- I feel like such a renegade without the proper identification.

A Change

This weekend has been so incredibly lovely. The warm air and sunshine is changing my entire frame of mind. There suddenly seem to be possibilities- things that can be done- places that can be explored. Despite still being sick, I went on a walk up to the park on Saturday. The grass was brown and the trees have yet to bud, but there were people out everywhere, walking dogs, walking kids, throwing balls. I am beginning to remember that I live in a neighborhood.

But of course this nice weather is making me homesick for the Northwest. I'm homesick for being able to go outside and actually be outside, actually away from the cars and exhaust and noise. I'm homesick for having a back porch and a yard. Even a patio would be nice. ZPJ and I spent about two months in the fall looking for a new apartment with a patio or a roof deck or a garden, but it was a depressing and fruitless endeavour. Even when we could find such a place in our neighborhood that was within our price range, 50 other people wanted the place along with us. Of course, now that the weather is improving, that means that all the restaurants and cafes in the neighborhood will be reopening their patios, so I guess I can start going out more and enjoying their space in lieu of my own.

I'll be going to the Northwest soon enough, though. My sister-in-law is expecting a baby any day now, which means that I'll finally be an Aunt for reals, so we'll be flying to Oregon in about a month to see the new niece. I'm excited as hell to see the baby, but I'm also excited to see Oregon in springtime and maybe actually get some real fresh air instead of just hints of it. I love this city, I really do, but on days like this I just can't deny that I am a Northwest girl at heart.

Losing Cause

I believe so strongly that young people deserve to be treated with respect. I see kids being yelled at by their parents, yelled at by their teachers, yelled at by their peers, being treated like prisoners in their schools- 10 foot fences, metal detectors, bag searches- being treated like criminals before they've committed a crime. And it's good practice, because 1 in 3 black men will be in prison at some point in their life, so it's best to get them used to it early, right? And I believe that young people should have the chance to develop their voice and speak up for their rights and enter the dialogue about what their world is like and question the authorities that are yelling at them all day long. And I want to provide programs that can be an alternative to the escalating system of distrust and violence and disrespect and dehumanization.

But if I talk to them with respect they walk all over me, and if I yell they will go along with what I say. These young people seem to want to be yelled at. They want me to loose my cool. I've had several other people yesterday and today tell me the same thing- they don't get respect until they start acting like prison wardens.

But I'm not ready to give in yet. I won't do it. I won't raise my voice to them. I won't buy into the authoritarian role they expect me to play. I won't be one more violent voice in their lives. I'm getting my ass handed to me, but I won't give in.

I feel a huge sense of failure because I have no respect from these kids and my project is falling apart around me. My idealism is getting me nowhere. But failure of this project is a more acceptable alternative than creating a negative power dynamic between me and these kids by yelling, threats, intimidation and criticism. There are too many teachers, coaches, counselors and administrators out there who have become more obsessed with having 'control' over the kids than helping the kids develop into complete, powerful adults with agency. And these kids are so accustomed to only functioning in environments where they are told that they are wild and irresponsible deviants with no control over themselves that they have begun to believe it.

I am getting my ass handed to me.

This is a losing cause.

But I refuse to yell.

Back On The Horse

I braved the snow and subways today to get back in the classroom- I just couldn't take the whole week off. The workshops were preparation for 4th, 5th, and 6th graders to come see a docudrama about two girls' journey during WWII and we got to process-drama it up. I love doing process drama. I managed to actually send some 5th graders into a genuine panic when I announced that they were going to have to leave New York immediately because it was no longer safe, and right at the same time my co-teaching artist was pulled out of the classroom by the principal. She just wanted to chide him about a scheduling mix-up, but the fortuitous timing convinced the kids that our drama-evacuation was real. It was awesome.

Here's a shout-out to Ms. Mayer's 4th grade class- YOU ROCK!!! These kids were top-notch, from the seriousness with which they explained how to walk away from a fight to the sincerity with which they cheered each other for contributing ideas. I want to be in Ms. Mayer's class. Before my co-TA and I left the school, they hand-delivered us thank you notes for the workshop, from which I will now quote.

"Thank you for letting us learn things about the play, world war, and teaching us how to use our imagination. and also thank you for telling us some details of the play you are letting us to go to."

"I learned that kids go through that struggle. I don't know what I would do if I was one of those kids on the train. I liked everything we done, it was so fun. but also so sad. but I loved it. I can't wait to actually see the play because I think I might cry."

"I liked the part when we had to say 'back to back' because it was fun. p.s. do you make the plays and the scrips?"

I wish I could show you all the pictures that were drawn at the bottom of some of the letters, some of which feature a lean and loving-looking me. Thank you, Ms. Mayer's 4th grade class.

Only Four Years Too Late

My first love, Joey McIntyre of NKOTB (New Kids On The Block for any losers out there who weren't keeping it real in 1990), is having a cd-release party at the coffee shop in the DC area where I began my barista career way back in 2002. If only I had stayed working there instead of moving back to Seattle!!!! I could have met and made coffee for the hottest New Kid ever!!!!!

I don't even know what to say. My world is so full of regrets right now.

Following The Rules

I can't find my social security card anywhere. I put it somewhere very safe. And now I can't find it. ZPJ does exactly what they tell you NOT to do, right on the card, and carries his around with him in his wallet. But now he knows where his is and I don't know where mine is, so I guess breaking the rules is paying off for him.

It wouldn't be such a big deal that I don't know where my social security card is if my passport had my current name on it. But it doesn't. It has my old name on it. And so now I have no proof of citizenship, which is important to have if you are trying to get paid at a new job or get fingerprinted by the DOE. Or get a new passport.

I swear that it is somewhere very, very safe.

I Thought Of Something!

I realized that I actually have something to write about, other than my phlem-production and constant headaches.

MNS and I, along with a colleague, proposed a workshop for the AATE conference this summer. We just got notified that our proposal was accepted, so we'll be traveling to the Far West in August. The conference is in Vancouver, BC and promises to be full of enough drama-nerdiness even for me. 'Why,' you might ask 'is the annual conference of the American Alliance of Theatre Educators happening in Canada?' but you would be missing the larger point. Which is that I now have some promise of professional activity this summer. Up until this point my summer consisted of several weddings and a couple vacations, but no actual work. Can I make this one week-long conference (unpaid) count for three months of employment? Probably not. But I'm going to try.

Now I've got a fire under my butt to submit proposals/papers to the other conferences this year that I've had my eye on. They're due soon, but I'm now inspired to push through and try to make it. I like the idea of going to conferences as a presenter. It seems like a good justification for getting a masters degree. Who knows? After a couple of these I may actually get off my butt and try to publish something!

Topics For Discussion

How 'bout that Scooter Libby verdict?

Isn't Ann Coulter a walking disaster?

When are they going to stop talking about that astronaut?

It's no good.

I can't speak intelligently about anything.

Sorry.

I'll keep trying, but right now, I've got nothing.

Sick Sick Sick Pt. 2

I had to stay home from work today- just too much hacking and coughing for working with children. It was a good choice. I still feel like crap today. I'm also staying home tomorrow. I like giving people advice when they are sick and telling them to stay home and take care of themselves, but I'm really bad at following that advice myself. I can't quite face the prospect of staying home on Wednesday as well- I'm running out of cable shows that I find entertaining. I suppose I could be using this time to work on my thesis and various other projects that I have on the back burner, but no one really works when they're home sick.

I better be better after four days at home or I'm going to stop following my own advice.

Sick Sick Sick

I have very little to say, having not left my apartment since Friday evening. I've been all achy and coughy and have tried to nurse myself back to health with the help of my dearest ZPJ. Despite our efforts, however, I do not know if I will be able to go to the three pre-k workshops I have scheduled for tomorrow morning. I want to, but no one wants a stranger coughing all over their kids, so we'll see how I feel in the morning.

Things that sick people love:

• cough drops
• sparkling water
• foot rubs
• Vicks Vap-O-Rub
• hair gently brushed from one's brow
• cats
• cable
• peppermint tea

Today's Pet Peeve (A Continuing Series)

Youth development professionals who refer to young people's performances as "skits"

A Change Of Plans

It started with a tight chest, that turned into a dry cough, which led to body aches and headaches. All within about the first hour of my day-long training session today.

I had tickets to go see Julie Taymor's Die Zauberflote at the Met tonight, but I just didn't have a three-hour German opera in me, so instead of this:

I'm home with this:

Pre-K vs. Teaching Artist

It turns out that I cannot actually dance to whimsical and ironic children's rock music nearly as well as I though I could. After three hours of twisting, shaking, and twinkle twinkling, my back is killing me. I think the main problem was that all this dancing took place while in the classic "criss cross applesauce" asana, so there was undue pressure on my lower spine. Seat-dancing is hard work. Those kids can shake circles around me.

So what did I do to inspire and teach the nation's greatest resource today? I taught 30 preschoolers how to make kick-ass rock and roll faces and the corresponding "yeaahhh!!!" And then I said goodbye. Your welcome.