A Stereotype I Can Live With

I went to a school today that is as far out in Queens as I have yet gone. It took me almost two hours to get there- three trains and a bus. I arrived, groggy from my trip and disheveled from the freezing wind, and met my co-teaching artist, Carlo, at the security desk. We went to check in at the office, but before we could introduce ourselves, the vice-principal says "Wait, wait, let me guess...I don't want to stereotype, but you're the artists, right? The actors? You look so bohemian!"

I think I'm flattered.

BTW- if I ever find myself raising children in New York, I think I want them to go to school in Queens. The schools that I have visited in that most-diverse-of-boroughs are always so fun and happy and diverse and have cute artworks on the walls...

Lame Lauren

I went through a training this weekend, which I will certainly write about at length, but I'm still too burned out to do so.

I had a pretty exciting weekend planned with some parties in the city to attend, a book club, a concert that I was invited to. I was going to be able to fit it all in. I was going to be so cool and active this weekend. But I went to NOTHING and I did NOTHING and I was lame, lame lame. Training wiped me out and not sleeping sealed the deal. The little free time I had outside of training was used processing what had happened in training.

I usually don't realize how lame I am because I don't plan anything, but this week I felt the shame that goes with actually planning things and then being too lame to follow through.

After A Bumpy Ride Home

I was at the theatre tonight, taking in some festivalisciousness. Before the show I went to the bathroom and was shocked to find an attendant situated at the sinks. Being unaccustomed to personal service in a bathroom, I wasn't sure exactly what to do, but she turned on the water and pumped soap into my hands before I really knew what was going on. I know I was supposed to tip her, but I was so shocked and uncomfortable that I fled the scene. After the show, a charged performance by an autobiographical storyteller who seamlessly fused hilarity with poignancy, I really had to pee again. But I was so turned off by the thought of facing the attendant again that I instead opted to hold it for the long, local R train trip back home. The bathroom should be a private place!!! I can turn on my own water and pump my own soap! I may never return to that theatre again...

Do Not Read Ahead If You Are Easily Frightened

For the last couple months ZPJ and I have been smugly congratulating ourselves on coming up with a plan to pay off our credit cards in the next year. But then today we did a little math and realized that even when that is done, we will owe a collective $185,000 in student loans for our two undergrad degrees, my MA, and ZPJ's JD. Think that's scary? Estimate how much interest we'll pay on it in the next 30 years...

My Concession Blog

So, clearly I lost the "who can blog everyday for the longest" competition. It really was for the best of reasons. No, my computer didn't break down. I wasn't trapped under a bookcase. I didn't lose all mobility in my fingers and find myself unable to type.

I was out drinking.

It was Friday, and it was just some after-work drinks, but then I looked at my watch and it was 3:15 am. How does that happen??? Anyway. I decided to take the rest of the weekend off as well, since I really had nothing to say besides apologize to the ether for my Friday Night Sloppiness. So Kudos to mynewshoes and ipj for making it to the final round.

For those of you following Lauren's professional life, you may find yourself wondering "After work drinks??? Since when does Lauren have work to have an after of?" Well, last week was mid-season teaching artist training for a certain theatre company that I love. I love training. It's sort of like actually working, but its also a lot like playing. We all do different games and activities and talk about how much we enjoyed them and ways that they could be improved or modified and fit into a lesson plan. My career rocks. Pretty soon I'm going to actually be doing the games and activities with the little ones, but for now I'm just training with other dorks like myself who somehow stumbled into playing for a living.

This weekend I'm doing some more training. Not for anything in particular. There are three companies from around the country that have gotten a humongous grant to develop a standardized model for teaching artist training that can be used by companies all over. They are coming to New York this weekend and using TAs from my company and another NYC company as guinea pigs for the model. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about standardization, so I may end up problematizing for them a little bit, but I am excited to be on the edges of a national discussion about solidifying the field. So I'll let you all know how it goes.

Further notes on Lauren's professional life: still no phone calls or emails from the people that I'm supposedly doing my thesis project for. At my advisers suggestion I sent them a very excited email today about how great it is that both of my proposals that I spent so much time on finally got approved, and isn't it wonderful that I can officially start as soon as their ready.* I'm not worried...but waiting sure is hard work.

*a dicey punctuation issue that I feel unable to address

The Passing Of The Poo

Sometime just before New Year's a Giant Poo was left on our sidewalk, apparently left by a Giant Dog whose owner is a Giant Asshole for not picking it up. This Poo was very giant, requiring one to navigate around it on the way to the corner. Every day we would walk by it, for every day it grew less and less likely that someone would bend to pick it up. In dry weather it would shrivel and in rainy weather it would moisten and plump up, regaining some of its glory. For weeks this Giant Poo was a part of our lives.


With the cold nights this week, however, the Poo must have gotten brittle, for this morning we walked to the subway and found that it had been smashed by an unsuspecting visitor's shoe. The remnants remain, but we have all had to accept that the Giant Poo is no longer a part of our lives. The flecks that lie on our sidewalk, still showing traces of the doggie's dinner from many weeks ago, will soon fade and disperse.


Good-bye, Giant Poo.

What If...

Would you still ride the subway if you were famous??? Not just rich, but well known and looked up to and FAMOUS? Would you be willing to sign autographs at every stop? Would you tune out the frantic whispering that would constantly follow you? OR would you stoop to ultra un-cool level of taking a car everywhere you go?

I think that most celebrities choose the car because the only famous person I've ever seen on the subway was Richard Kind who was muttering to himself and twitching and seemed to have bigger problems than fending off autograph seeking fans.

Allegedly, I live in the neighborhood of Maggie Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger and Steve Buscemi and John Tuturro, but I never see any of them on the subway. Granted, I never see them on the street, either...they must take their fancy schmancy cars directly to their doors...

I would TOTALLY take a car.

Not HER New Shoes

For awhile now, I've been wanting a pair of red, patent-leather, open-toe, slingback heels. But everytime I would find a pair, something would stop me. I realized why I was holding back when I saw a woman on the subway holding onto a pole and wearing a similar pair. They're totally stripper shoes.

So today I finally found a pair that has the style without the slut. I settled for suede instead of patent-leather and found a much more subtle blue. All for less than $15!!! I'm probably not going to wear them more or once or twice, but that's totally worth it. Now I just need an occasion to wear them...

This Is Getting Ridiculous

I have been waiting for awhile now to begin my thesis field research, which is a 12 week after-school theatre project. The administrators of the after-school program seemed so excited a couple months ago, but now they won't return my calls...so I wait. For a day to begin. I can't write my thesis till I get my project done, and I can't get it done till I get it started, and I can't start it until I get a phone call from them. Should I be nervous? Have the last three months of proposal-writing been for naught? Am I never actually going to graduate?

Yeah.

I'm not worried.

Any day now.

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.

- Martin Luther King Jr.

Holdin' Em

I went to a friend of a friend's last night to play poker with the boys. These guys play poker- they even had a full felted poker table that took up half of the living room in the 300 sq. ft. apartment on the Upper East Side. So I was a little intimidated but, hey, I practice with the Hold'Em game on my cell phone, so I thought I could give them a run for their money.

And I took ALL THEIR MONEY. That's right. It turns out I'm a shark. ZPJ kept insisting that I was just getting good cards, but these guys go down to Atlantic City to play in tournaments, and they said I know how to hold my cards and make good bets. They couldn't read me. I got in their heads. And I CLEANED UP. It's a proud day.

Too Much Of A Good Thing?

Okay, so here it is. After watching HGTV for a week straight, with almost no interruptions, I am seriously considering submitting my apartment for one of the re-design shows. But the question is, which one??? "FreeStyle" wherein spunky 20 something designers rearrange everything you own so that it actually looks cool without spending a dime? "Re-Mix" where your room's style is updated and coolified using things you already own and a whole bunch of paint and upholstery? "Design on a Dime" wherein a design team has $1000 to make your room in to a dream room? I can't decide!!!! Here's my bed room:

Literally, a Bed Room. It's 8x7 feet and all we can fit in there besides the bed is the big armoire my aunt loaned me. There's one shelf on the wall that I put some wicker baskets up on, but that's all there is room for. There is literally no way to rearrange the furniture without blocking the window or the door. What do you, dear readers, suggest??? Is there anything that can be done besides a coat of paint?

Am I watching too much HGTV???

Football Season

It's time for the playoffs!!! Its the time of year when people who are normally intelligent, thoughtful, and articulate start speaking in statistics that I don't understand. It's not just the statistics that I don't understand. I don't understand the rivalries, the bitter competition, and the unparalleled vitriol that suddenly arises from mild mannered folk. Why the fanaticism?

I understand why sports are enjoyable to watch. I enjoy watching games and going to games and rooting for teams. Playing is fun, and even as a spectator we get to participate in the playfulness of competitive sports. What I don't understand is how much some people enjoy sports. The level of investment that goes beyond enjoyment into the realm of meaning and morals and right and wrong. How can one team winning or losing so heavily impact someones identity or understanding of the world? I just don't get it.

Because, when you come down to it, there is no difference between one team and another. One might have greater strengths in one skill area, or individual players who are more interesting, or a coach who seems to make more sound decisions, but really, they're all still just professional sports teams. They don't really represent any sort of moral value or belief or higher meaning beyond the qualities of the sport itself.

I think my problem is that I think that the things we should be so invested in do involve moral values and beliefs and higher meanings. I can't wrap my mind around why people are so life and death about sports teams when there is nothing life or death about them. ZPJ says I'm elitist. That's distinctly possible.

There is a certain tribalism that sports fans embody that I think is an essential human trait. I cannot, however, for the life of me, figure out why someone would want to so passionately align themselves with a tribal identity that has absolutely no matter or meaning beyond itself.

I do enjoy the playoffs because it is the only time during the season that I can really be bothered to pay attention- there are few enough teams that I can retain some simple facts about each and there are few enough games that I don't have to remember anything for very long. Its fun to sit around with friends and drink beer and trash-talk and yell at the TV. And yes, it is fun to silently judge the passion and fanaticism of those around me. Forgive me, dear readers!!! I am a hopeless elitist!!! It is a sin I don't mind admitting to in this case.

First Day Back

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later- I went in to work today. I did a little pre-show, post-show magic at APT. It was for a show I had never facilitated before today, and I was a little nervous. I was also nervous because it had been over a month since I'd worked around high schoolers, and every time I take a break from the little buggers I begin to be very insecure about my ability to work with them. I start to think they'll hate me and laugh at me and my workshops will be a complete failure. Plus, this show is an adaptation of slave narratives that has a slight reputation for being too curricularly relevant- more of a teacher-pleaser than a student-pleaser.

I'm happy to say, therefore, that it went great. The kids were a little skeptical when they came into APT because, as they accurately described it, the black box is a little "ghetto" and small, but when they left they were telling me and the actors how it was so much more real than a movie, and that they were going to be very skeptical of technology in the future. Whoo Hoo!! Converting the masses to minimalism!!!! With very minimal facilitation from me, they went off amongst themselves into a great discussion about the importance of oral history (!!!) and relying on individuals voices to understand stories of oppression, rather than just what the history books say (!!!) and how important it is to place controversial words like "n*gger" (I can't even spell it without blushing) in an historical context (!!!). The most moving speech of the day came from a young man who passionately asserted that young people today are too spoiled and have too many distractions and need to become more serious about making changes in their world rather than taking their privilege for granted. Yes, folks, that's the magic of the theatre.

Workshops like this get me excited about teaching, but they also give me a slightly unrealistic euphoria that I'm sure will be squashed after a couple more shows. We'll see. Is it too much to think that one 45 minute play can change a person's views about oppression and injustice? High school. Whew. They are simultaneously at the most passionate and the most apathetic phase in their lives, and I guess all we can do is nudge them towards the passionate side and hope that it can hold out against the persuasive powers of apathy.

I want to talk more about the persuasive powers of apathy, but I'll do that at another time.

For The Love

It seems as though the more time I have and the less I have to get done, the less I get done. My productivity has ebbed to an all time low. Tomorrow I'm going to actually leave the house before 4pm, which I'm pretty excited about. I'll let you know how it goes.

Promise me, dear readers, that you will remind me how good I had it months from now when I inevitably begin complaining about being too busy.

Hey, how about that Presie of ours? Admitting mistakes!!! Complaining about Iran!!! Giving straight to all those Freedom Haters out there!!! 20,000 more troops!!!! Here's to buying yourself out of a bluff...

The Other Side Of The Story

ZPJ is jumping on the blog bandwagon- check him out at www.pleadingfifth.blogspot.com/. I can no longer impugn him here without fear of consequences.

Go Dems!!

So, the Dems are playing a 100 hour game this week, trying to see how much legislation they can push through now that they have a majority. What are they pushing?

• Requiring tax cuts to be matched with cuts in spending so that we don't add to our deficit
• Implementing some of the 9/11 Commission's suggestions that were ignored until now, like screening cargo that comes into the country
• Making it harder for lobbying groups to get money to lawmakers
• Raising the minimum wage
• Lowering prescription drug costs for seniors
• Lowering interests rates for student loans
• Cutting oil company subsidies and encouraging sustainable/renewable energy

Not bad, huh? Thanks for voting, everyone. Now if we can just get them moving on protecting prisoners' rights and our privacy rights in this war on terror, I'll be without anything to complain about for awhile.

In other news, I am finishing my 10 days of unemployment since New Years!! Not that I'm really working for the rest of the week, either, but getting paid to attend a rehearsal tonight forces me to officially end my epic streak of unproductivity. Is that a word? Let's ask Blogger's spell check....Nope, that's a brand new word for you folks. So, what do I have to show for myself this last week?

• A newfound addiction to HGTV and correlating newfound crafty ideas
• A half-compiled photo album of the last two years
• A half-finished baby blanket for my soon-to-be-niece
• 76 index cards with drama activities created and sorted
• A proposal to a conference this summer
• Some videos of november's puppet show converted to dvd for editing
• 2007 calendar purchased and hung on the wall
• Some jewelry dropped off at the jewelers to have settings tightened
• 5 walks around the neighborhood replacing trips to the gym because its so nice outside
• Many pictures of my cats taken, but enough restraint used so that only one is posted on my blog

Take that, Dems!

In Search of Perfection

When I was younger, I constantly felt overweight and self-conscious. Even though I wasn't overweight, I thought I was because I didn't match up with the long-legged, slim-hipped ideal I saw all around me. All through high school I hid underneath baggy jeans and oversized t-shirts (fortunately it was the 90's, so I got away with it). When I got to college I began to realize that even though I didn't fit the ideal, I was still beautiful and sexy and damnit, I didn't need to be constantly dieting and obsessing about my weight. I started wearing tight clothes that showed off my ta-tas and round hips. But now I'm not in college anymore and a decade of being content with my body has led me to the point where I am overweight.

So I'm very concerned and conflicted about an article that came out this week in the Times: In Obesity Fight, Many Fear a Note From School. This article describes the emerging practice of sending "report cards" home with students detailing their body mass index. The article describes the responses of some students and families to this practice. One story that I found very moving was about an 6 year old who decided that she needed to go on a starvation diet because her teacher thought she was fat. I did some research today and learned that, according to the Eating Disorder Coalition, 40-60% of high school girls regularly diet and 40% of 9 year old girls have dieted. These girls are getting messages somewhere that they need to "diet" to have the right bodies.

On the other hand, we are seeing what the result of not paying attention to diet looks like. Obesity is an epidemic; today's school children are the first generation in the history of the world that have a shorter life-expectancy than their parents and it's because of obesity-related diseases.

I saw Super Size Me this week and it scared the crap out of me because even though I don't regularly eat fast-food, I know how easy it is to do so. I don't eat fast food, I make moderately good choices, I am moderately active and yet I have slipped from round-figured into overweight as a result of choosing not to make obsessive dieting a part of my life. American culture makes it almost impossible to eat healthy without going ridiculously out of our way. Check out your sodium and sugar levels in your low-fat foods. Its scary. The only way to get food that is simultaneously low-fat, low-sugar, low-sodium, and high-fiber is to eat nothing but raw vegetables, skim yogurt and flax seeds. Nothing out of a box or a can.

So I guess we do need to diet to have the right bodies. Is 9 years old too young? Apparently not. I don't know. I'm conflicted. I don't want our young girls to be obese, but I don't want them to be anorexic, either. And they have little chance of avoiding either with the crap that they get fed in school lunches.

What does healthy look like? What does beautiful look like? One of the other stories in the Times article was about a Homecoming Queen from PA who wears a size 20. I want to kiss her. I want big women to know that they're beautiful. But I also don't want them to have diabetes. Where is the balance?

First-Hand Proof of a World-Wide Problem

Some pictures from our trip to the Botanical Garden today.

The Visitors' Center said that it was supposed to look like this:
But it looked like this:

Coincidentally enough, I finally watched An Inconvenient Truth this week. As if I wasn't weirded out enough by the crazy weather, I now am completely paranoid about our planet quite literally coming apart at the seams.

I went to the http://www.climatecrisis.net/ website and calculated my carbon impact. It turns out that because I do not own a car and share utilities with my whole building, my impact is pretty low- about 2.0 tons a year. Until I figured in my three cross-country plane trips each year. They made my impact jump up to over 5 tons a year. That's right. In six days of travelling each year I more that double my carbon impact. I had no idea! I'm not sure what I can do about bringing this down other than not flying home more than once a year, but fortunately there are lots of great tips for little things that we can do to help compensate for the necessary evils of using fuel to get ourselves around. I picked some out that those of us who don't drive or have much control over our thermostats and utility usage to share. Visit the website for energy efficient ideas you might talk to your landlord about.

• Replace a regular incandescent light bulb with a compact fluorescent light bulb (cfl). CFLs use 60% less energy than a regular bulb. This simple switch will save about 300 pounds of carbon dioxide a year. If every family in the U.S. made the switch, we’d reduce carbon dioxide by more than 90 billion pounds!
• Use less hot water. It takes a lot of energy to heat water. You can use less hot water by installing a low flow showerhead (350 pounds of carbon dioxide saved per year) and washing your clothes in cold or warm water (500 pounds saved per year) instead of hot.
• Turn off electronic devices you’re not using. Simply turning off your television, DVD player, stereo, and computer when you’re not using them will save you thousands of pounds of carbon dioxide a year.
• Unplug electronics from the wall when you’re not using them. Even when turned off, things like hairdryers, cell phone chargers and televisions use energy. In fact, the energy used to keep display clocks lit and memory chips working accounts for 5 percent of total domestic energy consumption and spews 18 million tons of carbon into the atmosphere every year!
• Be sure you’re recycling at home. You can save 2,400 pounds of carbon dioxide a year by recycling half of the waste your household generates.
• Buy recycled paper products. It takes less 70 to 90% less energy to make recycled paper and it prevents the loss of forests worldwide.
• Buy locally grown and produced foods. The average meal in the United States travels 1,200 miles from the farm to your plate. Buying locally will save fuel and keep money in your community
• Buy fresh foods instead of frozen. Frozen food uses 10 times more energy to produce.
• Buy organic foods as much as possible. Organic soils capture and store carbon dioxide at much higher levels than soils from conventional farms. If we grew all of our corn and soybeans organically, we’d remove 580 billion pounds of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere!
• Avoid heavily packaged products. You can save 1,200 pounds of carbon dioxide if you cut down your garbage by 10%.
• Eat less meat. Methane is the second most significant greenhouse gas and cows are one of the greatest methane emitters. Their grassy diet and multiple stomachs cause them to produce methane, which they exhale with every breath.

Come on, people!!! Let's get this going! I got a new puffy coat that I'd actually like to wear sometime this year!

One of the most exciting parts of An Inconvenient Truth was how the levels of CFC's have gone down in the last ten years and the depletion of the ozone layer has begun to be reversed. Because people made changes and our government legislated the necessary regulations. So there is still hope for us. We need to not only change our own habits but write letters and make phone calls so that our new congress knows we're serious about making real change in the way we're impacting our planet.

Looking at the Line

How upset can I justifiably be when I willingly give something up?

Even though I acknowledge that there is a higher good, a better choice, I still am disappointed by losing the alternative.

Damnit, being nice to people sucks when you have to give up what you want to have.

The Same Blog Post As Everyone Else In New York Today

Went walking through the park today. In my t-shirt. Got a little sweaty. There were people horseback riding, fishing, playing frisbee, feeding the ducks, jogging, painting.

What day is it?

January 6th.

How warm is it?

70 degrees.

I brought a sweater with me just because I thought I should. But I didn't need it.

Thanks to MNS for sending me this great link for a wonderful song that I've been humming all afternoon. Thanks also for the bagels.

Manhattan In January

I'm sure all this has nothing to do with global warming. Because its really cold in other parts of the country. Like where my mom is. She called me this morning to complain about how unfair it is that it is summery here and hasn't broken 30 degrees at home in a week. Sorry. What can I do? I apparently moved to a temperate zone.

Friday Night Fights

Friday is Fight Night at our house. I don't know why, but somehow we always come home a little later, we're hungry, and we've been busy all day (yes, I was actually busy today finishing up a couple proposals and running around the Garment District looking for blanket binding- unsuccessfully). So we come home and start snapping at each other. Every happy marriage needs a little bit of squabbling and, completely without planning, it always happens for us on Fridays.

I can't even say what exactly the fight was about tonight, but I'm pretty sure that ZPJ said something TOTALLY out of line to set it off....or I overreacted...or something....

Now that we've had some food and are enjoying our new cable, though, everything is just fine. We thought about going out, tearing up the town, making the most of our weekend, but it just seemed like so much work...so here we are...The Princess Bride is on.

This part right here.

Getting to Know the Neighborhood

This weekend we dog-sat our upstairs neighbors' dog, Annie. Annie is not the most charismatic dog ever, but she likes walking around the neighborhood and peeing on things, so we took her out a couple times a day to do just that.

In one 15 minute walk with Annie, about 4:30 in the afternoon, ZPJ and I talked to more people in our neighborhood than we have in the last 6 months combined. Mostly other dog-walkers, but some dogless neighbors as well. We talked about dogs, their urinary habits, the protocol of butt-sniffing, and the weather.

Apparently getting a dog is the key to getting to know your neighbors in New York. I don't have time for these walks a couple times a day, but maybe I'll ask the upstairs folks if I can walk Annie even when they're in town.

On a similar note...
We've been having an unseasonably warm spell this week, so although ZPJ and I had committed to going back to our long-neglected gym now that classes and travelling are behind us we have been walking around the neighborhood ourselves instead. These walks are less eventful than our walks with Annie and usually involve less public urination (except once-- ZPJ really had to go) but they have been a lovely way to catch up with each other and make plans for the future. It's what we do. Plans made this week include: 1)taking a vacation, 2) starting a theatre company, 3) arranging our finances. Pretty much par for the course.

Taking a Break is Hard Work

I have had an unsettling feeling in my stomach ever since returning to Brooklyn. This feeling has seized me as I sit in my comfy chair, as I take long showers, and as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. It is the distinct feeling that I am leaving things undone. That I am neglecting my responsibilities. That I am falling behind.

I think I have this feeling because there are no things that have to be done, and I am without responsibilities at the moment. I can't really fall behind when I have nothing to accomplish. Oh, sure, in the wider scope of things there is still that little matter of the thesis, but heavens, I don't have to turn that in till June. So what am I to worry about in the meantime? Everything. The little bits of paperwork and details of formality that would normally not phase me are literally keeping me up at night.

I was able to set aside my habitual stress and anxiety over my delightful vacation but, since returning, these habits have come back with a vengeance. And I can't figure out how to get rid of them. Last year a nurse, concerned about my blood pressure, asked me how I deal with stress. "I get things done" I told her. But now there is nothing to get done. I think. I constantly suspect that I am forgetting something.

Technically, I am still on break. My school's classes don't restart until the 16th or something ridiculous like that. But I'm not even taking classes this term. All I have is my project, which I probably won't start for another week or two (I haven't set it up yet, exactly) and work, which is slow in coming. So I have huge expanses of empty spaces in my day planner which NEVER HAPPENS. What am I supposed to do with all this time? I should be working!!!

So, last night, I went with ZPJ to pick out a new office chair for our desk so that I don't just sit in the comfy chair with the laptop all day, and this morning we had the cable guy come and install high-speed Internet so that I don't have to pirate off of the neighbors' spotty connection anymore. I'm sitting here now with all the preparations made for some good work to be done, but there doesn't seem to be any to do.

The worst thing I could do at this point is panic and try to find something to do. Some part-time job to apply for or a project to commit to. That would screw me two months from now when my pre-existing part-time jobs and project really kick in. But I can't handle all the free time. I actually did the laundry today instead of just dropping it off!! Even the rugs!!! Am I going to turn into a housewife??? Never fear, ZPJ, that will never happen. I could be here all day, every day, and the place would never stay very clean. Instead, I write excessively long blog posts and go shopping online and take portraits of napping cats. Pretty soon I'll start alphabetizing and categorizing my three-ring binder collection.

Why is it so much harder for me to take a break at home than when I was away?

So This Is The New Year

Having reflected on the year past, I must now look to the year ahead.

It is traditional at these times to make resolutions about the upcoming year; things we want to change about our lives, goals we wish to accomplish, habits we want to leave behind.

Resolutions are things that I make all the time. Almost weekly, ZPJ and I go for a long walk and inevitably start planning how to better manage our finances, our waistlines, our free time. We develop elaborate plans for saving, lunching, travelling, and I would say that almost a full 25% of these plans are carried out for at least the following week, which I think is pretty good. We're a planning family more than an implementing family, and that's okay.

So I feel that any resolutions I make this week for the next year are not likely to have too much more weight than our weekly walking resolutions. So, instead, I propose a list of things that I hope will happen in the next year rather than things that I resolve to do.

1. I hope that the new Congress can be effectual and move our country away from ideologies that are divisive and regressive.
2. I hope that I can finally find a schedule that is neither too full nor too empty.
3. I hope that I can develop my artistry as much as I've been developing my pedagogy.
4. I hope that my cat and my mom both miraculously overcome their mysterious illnesses.
5. I hope that we can figure out how to not be warmongers in the Middle East.
6. I hope that I can continue to find ways to live as woman of action and faith, and not just as a woman of words.
7. I hope that ZPJ and I don't have to grow up too quickly.
8. I hope that I figure out something to do with myself once I get this degree.

That's some pretty good hoping for now, I think. Maybe I'll add to it as the week goes on.

What are your hopes for the next year?

Reflecting On The Past Year

The old year has passed and the new year begins. I feel compelled to offer a reflection on the year that has passed. In a late-night pedagogical debate with Mr. G I think I may have loudly asserted that reflection is necessary for any learning, and that, in fact, all learning takes place through reflection. Although this world of blogging provides a constant opportunity for reflection, I cannot pass up the opportunity for a meta-reflection. So, for 2006, I present "Roses, Thorns, Things That Just Were, and Themes of Note."

Roses:

• Wrote my first play, which was produced at the Mae West Fest in Seattle in May.
• Got to see my wonderful ZPJ sworn in to the NYS Bar Association and start his first real law-talkin' job.
• Got my first Teaching Artist gigs in NYC and had my first residency experiences.
• Took some kick-ass classes in Theatre of the Oppressed, Devising with Young People, Shakespeare with YP.
• Went to a 3am rock concert in the Lower East Side at which Ryan Adams performed under a pseudonym.
• Took classes from world-class practitioners such as Dorothy Heathcote, Jonothan Neelands, Tony Goode, and the rock-stars at CAT.
• Met notable authors Jonathan Safran Foer, Dave Eggers, and Jeanette Walls. Got hugs from two of them. Only paid $6 for one of the hugs.
• Saw such beautiful theatre as The Lieutenant of Inishmore, Three Penny Opera, Mother Courage and Her Children, The Fortune Teller, Fear Up, and Kagemi.
• Had parents, in-laws, and friends visit and provide me with the excuse to do things like go up the Empire State Building, walk over the Brooklyn Bridge, go to the MoMA some 7 or 8 times, picnic in Central Park and do all those other things that you're supposed to do when you're in New York but which I never actually do unless I have guests.
• Celebrated my second anniversary.
• Successfully completed my thesis proposal and all my grad school coursework.
• Facilitated my first professional development workshop.
• Participated in the Number The Dead demonstration.
• Dressed up as a pirate for the Coney Island Mermaid Parade, even though I didn't get there in time to actually march in the parade. I will, though. I will.
• Had NYC directing debut with the puppet delightfulness of The Light Princess.

Thorns:

• Spent a lot of time in unpaid positions doing work that never saw the light of day.
• Saw such mediocre theatre as Burning Cities and Mycenean or, as it is know in local circles, Mycene-crap.
• Struggled with blood pressure issues and mean people in the Women's Health clinic.
• Took ass-sucking classes such as Thesis Seminars, Proseminars, and other such courses that called themselves seminars but weren't.
• The UCAIHS.
• Had personality conflicts with directors of things that I work for.
• On more than one occasion went over two months without being able to have a weekend with my wonderful ZPJ.
• Spent two months looking for a bigger and better apartment, got rejected by one too many, and now suffer from a cynical and broken heart.
• Spent (and continue to spend) a great deal of time, energy, and money on a black cat's mysterious illness which has caused her to lose half her body-weight for no apparent reason and requires daily administration of medicine and subcutaneous fluids.
• Made an emergency visit to my hometown after my mother appeared to have a stroke.

Things That Just Were:

• Coordinated the 2006 Face to Face Conference.
• Started a social activism group called "Play:Act, a creative collaboration for change." Said group has been inactive longer than it was active.
• My Grandfather passed away after a long and unhappy illness.
• Got healthy and lost 10lbs and then started school again and gained it all back.
• Our friends and family are greeting their next generations- happy and beautiful children- and we are too far away to having a meaningful role in these experiences.
• Although my mother's health is not as bad as initially thought, she is still not as good as we would hope.
• ZPJ's new career has provided financial stability but is seriously impacting my street cred as a starving artist.
• Serious questions raised as a result of a series of experiences with the NYC school system- struggling with issues around structures of power, privilege and opportunity for urban students.

Themes of Note

• Is busy-ness good or bad? The struggle between passion and the need to nap.
• Illness and health. Both can interfere with a busy life.
• Rest vs. Movement
• Starting things and then not finishing them.
• The wanting of a better lifestyle.
• Professional trajectories.
• Trying to make the most of an amazing city, and realizing that no one person can.
• Pushing through. Faking it until you make it.