Losing Cause

I believe so strongly that young people deserve to be treated with respect. I see kids being yelled at by their parents, yelled at by their teachers, yelled at by their peers, being treated like prisoners in their schools- 10 foot fences, metal detectors, bag searches- being treated like criminals before they've committed a crime. And it's good practice, because 1 in 3 black men will be in prison at some point in their life, so it's best to get them used to it early, right? And I believe that young people should have the chance to develop their voice and speak up for their rights and enter the dialogue about what their world is like and question the authorities that are yelling at them all day long. And I want to provide programs that can be an alternative to the escalating system of distrust and violence and disrespect and dehumanization.

But if I talk to them with respect they walk all over me, and if I yell they will go along with what I say. These young people seem to want to be yelled at. They want me to loose my cool. I've had several other people yesterday and today tell me the same thing- they don't get respect until they start acting like prison wardens.

But I'm not ready to give in yet. I won't do it. I won't raise my voice to them. I won't buy into the authoritarian role they expect me to play. I won't be one more violent voice in their lives. I'm getting my ass handed to me, but I won't give in.

I feel a huge sense of failure because I have no respect from these kids and my project is falling apart around me. My idealism is getting me nowhere. But failure of this project is a more acceptable alternative than creating a negative power dynamic between me and these kids by yelling, threats, intimidation and criticism. There are too many teachers, coaches, counselors and administrators out there who have become more obsessed with having 'control' over the kids than helping the kids develop into complete, powerful adults with agency. And these kids are so accustomed to only functioning in environments where they are told that they are wild and irresponsible deviants with no control over themselves that they have begun to believe it.

I am getting my ass handed to me.

This is a losing cause.

But I refuse to yell.