Etiquette Question
I have a question about etiquette that I am going to rely on you all to help me with.
Some friends of mine are having an engagement party at a bar in the city this weekend. They were planning a big, fall wedding upstate, but a couple months into the planning decided instead to "elope" and go get married in Italy over the summer instead. It isn't really eloping, I guess, since it's being planned out months in advance, but if they use that word they get out of having to invite anyone. So, here is the question: do we bring a gift to the engagement party? They are registered for wedding gifts at the usual places, but if they aren't having a wedding, when do we give them the gift? This party seems relatively formal- it had a fancy invitation and RSVP and an open bar and so on. Normally I wouldn't bring a gift to an engagement party, but they got engaged about 5 months ago and planned this party when they realized that they wouldn't be having a big wedding. I don't want to show up with a gift if no one else does, but I certainly don't want the opposite to happen either.
What do you think?
posted by laurenj @ 9:44 AM
4 Comments:
if you had a car you could leave the gift in the car and go get it if other people brought gifts... or leave it if they didn't. maybe ask some other people who are going?
-P
Here are some etiquette truths (my book of Miss Manners confirms them, even):
1. No one is required to bring a gift to anything ever. The only slight variation is at something designated to be a "shower."
2. If you want to give them a gift, you should.
3. If you give them a gift, it's best if you send it to where they live, because if one million people bring them presents to this party they have to haul them all home.
There are other things I can think of, but none of those things are related to what you actually asked, so I'm resisting.
I second Ida with the, if you want to give a gift, send it to their home. Don't bring it to the fancy party, and if you don't send it bring it to them some other time.
Excellent advice, my dear friends. I think we're going to bring a card to the party and then send a gift this summer. I did a little snooping on their registry sites, and it doesn't look like anyone else has been buying things yet either.
Ida, any time you want to give me etiquette advice, even if I haven't asked for it, please feel free.
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