With all of the grace of a...

Last night Casey, my stripey cat, got a wild hair and decided to pounce on Benny from her vantage point in the tall grasses of our lawn. She was frightened off, however, and changed directions mid-course, which caused her to face-plant into a tiki torch at a high velocity. She practically bounced off that metal pole and it was one of the more hilarious things I have seen in awhile. Even brought tears to my eyes. But this morning Casey woke up with a cut on her mouth and one swollen eye that is a little glazed over. She doesn't seem to be acting strangely at all, but of course the paranoid part of me wants to take her in to the Kittie ER. And what would I say? "My cat gave herself a black eye"? Poor little thing. I think her pride is more damaged than anything else. She's been playing it very safe today.

Welcome Back, Blogger

It has really been a week.


North Carolina was a hoot and a half. I really enjoyed being there- up in their so-called "mountains." Puleeze. They were pretty, I'll give them that. But they topped out at about 3000 feet. Asheville reminded me a lot of a certain small west-coast city in which I used to live. Maybe it was all the hippies or organic bakeries or local microbrews...hard to say...but it really had a Eugenian feel to it. Two structures, however, distinguish Asheville from it's Oregonian counterpart. One is a double-decker bus that has been converted to a coffee shop. The other is a 250-room mansion which claims to be America's biggest home- the Biltmore. Damn. I'll just say that the Vanderbilt's had too much money and leave it at that. The bus is awesome, though. Or it will be when N and R finish all the renovations that they are in the middle of. We had a great time making coffee and drinking beer and, apart from my allergies, I wouldn't have minded staying even a little bit longer.


Upon returning there was, of course, AIDS Walk 2007. Check this out:



That's right. You're reading correctly. $32,261. Substantially more than my annual income. That's how much Team Supersnack raised this year. We are pretty darn proud of ourselves, I'll tell you what. The 10K walk wasn't quite as gruelling as I had thought it might be- the weather was completely perfect and the 45 thousand other walkers slowed down my pace considerably. It was a wonderful, wonderful time.


The day after the Walk was the Day Of The Subway for me. I think (though I'm not completely sure) that I topped my all time record with an epic day of 5.5 hours on the MTA. It was so wonderful. The smell, the sights...really, it left me breathless. The sad thing was that I think I may have taught my last New Vic workshop for the school year. Very sad. I love those workshops. The kids were fantastic this week, though. Attentive, engaged, adorable. As though they were intentionally trying to send me out on a high note.


And of course, yesterday was the passport office. But we will speak no more of that.


So, it's been an eventful week. Hopefully it will slow down a little bit as I careen closer and closer to my Caribbean vacation. Who knows, maybe after my vacation I will be coming closer to a new job...? Hard to say. I thought the interview yesterday went very well, and also disastrously. I can't decide. Maybe I shouldn't have talked about sex quite so much, but I really do think it was context appropriate, so I guess I'll hear tomorrow or the next day if they were on the same page as me. You know how it is with interviews. It's all about whether I'm the right person for them, but I know I'm qualified, so if I don't get it I can DEFINITELY take it personally. And then I'll drink away my sorrows with colorful and sugary drinks in my beach-side cabana...

You? You're not going anywhere!

Written at 11:45 AM:

The quote of the day is from ZPJ: "clearly I have put too much faith in the US Passport office..." We are still, at 11:45, waiting for our 9:30 appointment. An hour ago they let us in the building and now, after a series of redundant lines, we are sitting in a waiting room that shames even the most bleak and noisy of DMVs. We finally got a number- but there are 60 numbers ahead of ours and they have only gotten through 14 in the last 35 minutes. I long ago finished the reading material I brought and am amusing myself on ZPJ's crackberry.

This would merely be a rotten way to spend a day, but it has risen to an anxiety-producing level the closer it gets to 3:30, at which time I have a job interview uptown. It is an exciting interview, for which I bought an exciting outfit, but I am not wearing this outfit because I foolishly did not expect my appointment to be 3 hours late. How did they get so far behind so early in the day? What about those people who have 2:00 appointments? I have so many questions and concerns right now. And I'm hungry. They made us throw away our food before we came in the building. Dear readers, if you are even THINKING of travelling in the next year, renew your passports NOW. Do not resign yourself to my unfortunate fate!!!

UPDATE:
I sat in that chair for another two hours. At 1:50 our number finally came up, 4 hours and 35 minutes after we began waiting. Our applications were processed by 1:55. Our passports, however, will not be ready until 10 am tomorrow morning. I will not be showing up at 10 am. I will show up at noon. With several books.

At 12:30, when we still had 50 people ahead of us in line, I called the place that I'm interviewing and asked if I could push it back a couple hours and they were very great about it. So now I'm home changing and getting ready to head up there. Wish me luck. It's a great job with great pay and great responsibilities, and the best part is that it's part-time, so I can keep doing all the other stuff that I do. I'm very hopeful...

Less Morose Than Yesterday

So, all things considered, things went really well yesterday. It was, predictably enough, more than a little chaotic. The performance venue wasn't decided until five minutes before we were supposed to start (cafeteria or auditorium?!?!? we went with the auditorium at the insistence of several of the kids) and as we were about to begin someone suggested we dig out the larger sound system from the storage closet rather than use the boombox, so that threw us a little off track. No one really knew what was going on, but it turned out that this was okay. The kids in my group had a really great time, and for the first time, they seemed to be enjoying and supporting one another. The kids in the audience had a blast- they kept storming the stage and joining in the dancing. There was some spontaneous beat-boxing and pop-and-locking and even though the whole event might not have been very organized or practiced, it was truly a community event, and isn't that kind of the whole point? After all, my thesis is "community engagement through youth theatre performance." Theatre, not so much. Engagement, definitely.

I'm heading down to NC for a couple days. Some dear friends just moved down there to open a coffee shop in an old, British double-decker bus. Neither of them, however, has ever really made coffee, so I'm going down as a "consultant" to teach them the ropes. Bring a little Seattle style to the joint. I'll return just in time for AIDS Walk 2007. My team, Team Supersnack, has raised over $25,000 and we're actually closing in on our completely preposterous $30,000 goal. Pretty amazing, I say.

The sun is out. The cats are happy. The grass is growing. And I have a plane to catch.

(sigh...)

Today is the final "performance" for my thesis project. I'm very excited to be done, and all things considered it could be way more disastrous than it is going to be, so I guess that's a blessing. We've pared it down to such a low level of actual preparedness that if five kids show up today who haven't been here in weeks (which will probably happen) and only two of the kids who have been coming regularly actually come today (which will also probably happen) we will still be able to pull it off.

I'm really bummed right now, though, because I just got an email from my advisor that she is sick and is not going to be able to make it to see the show. This means I will have been out there for almost four months without anyone coming to observe any of it. I don't think that it's really necessary that I'm observed, but I still feel a little like everything that I have been working so hard on is going to be completely without consideration by anyone else. I don't know if that's the right way to put it. I'm not sure why I'm so bummed. I just have felt very very alone during this whole process and was looking forward to having at least one day where I could say "See? This is it. This is what has been so hard. This is what I have been working on for a year." And now I can't. I don't have much to show for all my work, and it doesn't even really matter because there isn't anyone to show it to.

God, I am just so pathetic today. I can't wait for this to be over. Expect more happiness from me tomorrow when I am on my way to NC to see a lady about a bus.

Before and Afters

Before:

After:

Tug-Boat, Schumg-Boat

This weekend ZPJ and I were walking along the waterfront and I pointed to a large ship with three, huge sails and said "Look! It's an old-timey schooner!" ZPJ looked out, then turned to me and said in a condescending tone "That's a tug-boat."

This irritated me greatly because he immediately assumed that I was too ignorant to know the difference between a schooner and a tug-boat, rather than considering that he was looking at the wrong boat. So I yelled at him.

You say "tug-boat," I say "so's your face."

Frickin' Frack

I went to the Frick Collection today with the in-laws. I would not have expected to enjoy this mostly baroque and renaissance collection to be so riveting, but it was. Perhaps it was the overall quality of the works presented. But mostly I think it was the fact that almost the entire collection was hand-picked my Mr. Frick himself over several decades. He clearly loved and cherished each painting, sculpture, and side table, and that love created a collection that highlighted one person's ideas about beauty. It was an incredibly diverse collection, but also incredibly personal. If you go, take the time to listen to the audio tour. Very informative and engaging, if you can manage to keep a straight face while erudite Europeans go on about the "rendering of the silk drapes in the background that are so exquisite it almost makes your knees tremble."

Also saw The Drowsy Chaperon tonight, a year after everyone else saw it. It was adorable, of course; a perfect show for my mother-in-law and I to both enjoy (I talked her down from Mama Mia). I think my next career, after puppet-making and children's-book-writing is going to be as a vaudeville star. Remember my name!!!

Because I'm Just That Kind Of Person

If I can help out a drunk guy on the Q train by proving my shoulder/head for him to lean his butt/back against, I am happy to do it.

I Totally Forgot

I came to campus to meet with my advisor and work in the computer lab today. Apparently the fact that I'm still neck deep in my project made me forget that everyone else at NYU is celebrating graduation this week. The bastards. There are balloon arches and chairs and stages set up all over Washington Square, which gives the area a sense of emptiness and impending chaos. My particular program's building is almost completely desolate as well, because the program-specific ceremony is being held this afternoon. There are boxes all over the main floor; everyone is moving out while they renovate over the summer. Fortunately the computer lab is still intact...

The unexpected emptiness around campus is a very tactile reminder of how distanced I have been from my fellow students during graduate school. Sure, I've made some good friends in my classes, but there was no sense of student life. No real community. Such a change from the four years I spent living behind the pinecone curtain. I don't necessarily regret this- I've found my community in other places- but I'm still feeling a little left out today.

I wish I was graduating.

Danish Delights

So, Denmark is apparently the place to be if you want to make some children's theatre and have the government pay you to do it. The country has a smaller population than NYC and they have 120 children's theatres that are awarded over 25 million dollars a year in subsidies. That's right. You read correctly. 25 million dollars. That's equivalent to a fifth of the entire NEA budget here at home. Just for the kiddies.

I got to see some of the fruits of these subsidies this week at the Danish Festival and Symposium of Children's Theatre, hosted by my company. There is little I can say that could overstate the fabulousness of these shows. They are complex, abstract, fascinating and completely mesmerizing for the young folks in the audience. Puppets. Hidden doors. Magical lights and sounds that bring an empty dinner table to life. And evil bunnies. I feel very much like I might need to run away to Denmark.

This whole festival has got me thinking about what, besides $25,000,000, it takes to make good theatre for kids. It takes some time, I suppose, and a lot of vision. And a sense of play. One of the artists at the Symposium today said "We don't worry about story. The story will come. We just play and try to make theatre that is like a hymn, celebrating all the things in life." Sign me up. I've started to have visions of puppets that I want to make, never mind that I have next to none of the technical skills needed. I am sometimes frustrated by being surrounded by artists all the time, and calling myself an artist, and yet making very little art. Some of the questions I have about my ability to make art, however, are:

• Where would I work?
• Who would I work with?
• Where would I perform?
• Who would come?

This doesn't seem like a problem in Denmark. They just get a great idea, apply for an enormous grant, and then spend a year and a half working and developing a 40 minute show. And then the audience just...appears...

I think I want to work on a solo show. That way I can at least answer the first two of my questions with "in my apartment" and "myself." Like so much else in my life, however, I find it difficult to begin work on anything until it is necessary. Until there is a goal. A deadline. An opening night. The Danes didn't understand us today when we talked about repertory programming, six week rehearsal schedules, pre-existing scripts, and auditions. As far as they are concerned, if you want to do something you just do it, take as long as necessary, and then figure out from there where your art will actually be seen. Sounds lovely, doesn't it?

I guess that I am attempting to make some art right now if you count my thesis project. Two weeks ago, however, the young people informed me that they are completely unwilling to do a play and present any of the tumultuous work they had accomplished, so our performance next week will simply be some freestyle dancing. I'm less than inspired by the process and the final product, but at least I can say with conviction that it is completely from the kids' own desires and energy, not mine. And I'm trying to remember that this is the whole point of community-based art. I am done, done, DONE with after-school directing. Despite my best intentions it always ends in heartbreak.

So maybe the solo work is the way to go. I think I'm going to create a piece about growing grass and fuzzy cats. These are the things I am passionate about at the moment.

Dios Mio, Man

I think John Turturro lives on my block. We saw him four times this weekend. He apparently likes to sing to himself and, sad to say, doesn't look quite as impressive when he isn't wearing a hair-net and purple jumpsuit. I know, I know, I should have expected that, but it still makes me sad. I had assumed (and hoped) that he would be wearing his bowling getup while running Saturday morning errands.

There Is A Train And I Am On It

Today, after months, literally months, of slavish procrastination and determined avoidance, I finally sat down and began to write my thesis.

"What?" you all ask. "Hasn't she been complaining about all the work that she's been doing on her thesis for the last four months? And she's only now just starting it???"

I can understand and appreciate your confusion. Let me explain: for the last three and a half months I've been working on the project that I'm writing my thesis about and that work has included not only suffering the abuse of malcontented teenagers twice a week, but also writing hundreds of pages of logs about it that no one will ever, ever read. But my self-imposed deadline of having half the actual research paper written by the time I finish the project is only a week away, so I was forced today to cancel some theatre-going plans and get down to work.

Good News: I have a full thirty pages to show for my hard day's work!!!

Less-Impressive Reality: about 23 pages of it was almost completely cut and pasted from other papers, proposals, etc. that I had already written.

Somewhat Impressive Reality: even though I cut and pasted a bunch, I was doing some good editing as I did so, and the other 7 pages are mostly outlines, so once I flesh them out I'll have my first half of the paper checking in at a solid 40 pages.

It feels surprisingly good to actually be productive, and I have high hopes of meeting my goal by next week.

In the meantime, I'm heading outside to reward my hard work by sitting in the garden for awhile, possibly planting some tomatoes, and then having a glass of wine to brace myself for my third-to-last session with the kids tomorrow.

Glorious

Not only did I get to spend the entire morning working in my yard (which now has a lovely green mist rising out of the peat) but when I was done I brought my laptop out and sat in the afternoon shade and attempted to do my writing in they idyllic sun-warmed breeze. I was thwarted, however, by the crappiness of my five year old laptop. I am beginning to seriously regret letting ZPJ talk me into getting a new PC desktop last fall instead of one of those adorable little white gadgets that everyone else is able to transport to coffee shops and parks and where ever else they want to work. He seemed to think that the "cuteness" wasn't a good enough reason to buy it, but now that it's spring I'm feeling a profound loss. Do you notice how you never hear anyone ever say anything bad at all about their beautiful little i-books? It's not fair. So now my old lap-top has completely frozen on me and I'm back on the desktop just looking at the yard through my window. It's still beautiful from a distance...(sigh)...

Maybe It Was The Squirrels

I came home after being at the coffee shop this afternoon and found one of my lawn chairs moved across the yard over to the fence and, by the way the legs were sunk into the flowerbed, it was clear that someone had used it to get out of the yard. But how did they get into the yard? I'm surrounded by buildings and fences, there is no gate. I called the landlord, who was remarkable unperturbed and seemed sure that it was just a telephone repair guy needing access to some lines. I also called ZPJ who freaked out and signed us up for renters' insurance within 20 minutes. I bet we should have gotten it before now, but hopefully now that we have it we won't need to use it.

I'm not so concerned about the intruder as I am about the squirrels who have been rooting around in my soil now that I finally have some grass shoots coming up.

Embarrassing For Me

I showed up at my Boal workshop bright and early this morning, anxious to meet the master himself, and was very confused and surprised when I found all the doors at the center locked. I made some frantic phone calls to ZPJ and made him check my email, certain that I was somehow at the wrong location. Turns out I was at the right location, it was just the wrong month. The workshop is JUNE 2-4. Oops.

Bad news: I am a huge flake. This gaff is especially distressing because, as a freelancer, my schedule is the one thing in my life that I am diligent and fastidious about.

Good news: I now have three days completely free (having turned down work because I thought I was going to be bathing in the rainbow of desire all week) and I can catch up on all the sleep, writing, and gardening that I have been neglecting of late.

Boal-related note: I am sure that I am not the only one who thinks that the "rainbow of desire" is actually kind of a dirty term, right? Especially in the context of bathing... oh well. I couldn't resist.

Whoever Said...

...that watching grass grow is boring has obviously never tried to plant a new lawn. A couple times a day ZPJ and I are out there, crouched over the peat moss, searing for signs of life in our newly-seeded yard. A couple signs so far, but nothing too exciting. I predict that one morning soon we'll wake up and the lawn will have exploded. That's certainly what happened to the park. Less than a week ago I was moaning about how brown and dull everything still was, and now I live in a lush green, white and pink wonderland. I think that New York springs have the reputation for being so enchanting because we have to go through so much to get to them.

This weekend was full of presentations- three to be exact- and I started my week yesterday with less energy than I ended the last one, which isn't saying a whole lot. I have been feeling a little scattered, and I am quickly and dangerously approaching the point where I really really have to start working on my thesis in order to finish instead of just talking about. I'm not at that point yet, but it's now a matter of days, not weeks.

Will I ever be mature enough to not procrastinate to the point of crisis or will I always have that high-school sophomore living inside of me?

I know a secret about someone and it's a good secret but I'm not going to tell any of you what it is.

I am taking a three-day class this week at the local anarchist collective that is supposedly going to be led by THE Augusto Boal, but rumors have been circulating that his son will be there instead, as Augusto is quite old and frail these days. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I am really excited about the class, but not excited enough that I have actually re-read all of his books as diligently as I told myself I would. I skimmed, though. And, to be fair, I've been a little busy for the last...decade...

To work!!!