(sigh...)

Today is the final "performance" for my thesis project. I'm very excited to be done, and all things considered it could be way more disastrous than it is going to be, so I guess that's a blessing. We've pared it down to such a low level of actual preparedness that if five kids show up today who haven't been here in weeks (which will probably happen) and only two of the kids who have been coming regularly actually come today (which will also probably happen) we will still be able to pull it off.

I'm really bummed right now, though, because I just got an email from my advisor that she is sick and is not going to be able to make it to see the show. This means I will have been out there for almost four months without anyone coming to observe any of it. I don't think that it's really necessary that I'm observed, but I still feel a little like everything that I have been working so hard on is going to be completely without consideration by anyone else. I don't know if that's the right way to put it. I'm not sure why I'm so bummed. I just have felt very very alone during this whole process and was looking forward to having at least one day where I could say "See? This is it. This is what has been so hard. This is what I have been working on for a year." And now I can't. I don't have much to show for all my work, and it doesn't even really matter because there isn't anyone to show it to.

God, I am just so pathetic today. I can't wait for this to be over. Expect more happiness from me tomorrow when I am on my way to NC to see a lady about a bus.