Playing is Hard Work

To Be Continued...

2009-05-17T07:52:00.003-05:00

Might be awhile before I post again...

You can catch up on what I've been up to at http://bodynotes.blogspot.com and read up on the latest developments at http://teamjost.blogspot.com.

Much love, all.

Wrapping Up

2009-05-09T09:24:00.005-05:00

I've been keeping things low-profile this week, which has been nice. I taught my last class on Monday and spent the rest of the week close to home, working on some grants, visiting with some friends, and keeping my feet up. Another week or so of grant-writing, and I'm officially on maternity leave!

I was kind of sad to finish teaching this year. I had some really sweet students and great partner teachers, and it was really wonderful to finish the year not feeling burnt out. I can't believe it will be another four or five months before I'm teaching again, and I hope that I don't completely lose my touch in that time!

Here are some cuties that made my springtime sing:

I have a whole long list of things I want to do in the final weeks before the baby comes, like organizing photos and making blankets and writing letters and generally wrapping up all the projects I've been putting off for the last...year...but who knows if I'll actually have the time to do them. Maybe I'll have a nice, long month before he comes. Maybe not. Who can say?!

There's a Hole in the Pond!

2009-05-04T06:22:00.005-05:00

For those of you who have not enjoyed the delights of the Team J backyard, there is a pond. It's small - about 2 feet by 4 feet - with a small waterfall in the back. Each year we clean it out, buy a pump, fill 'er up, and enjoy the gentle gurgling of our urban water feature. And each year, about three weeks later, the mosquitoes arrive and make our lives hell and the backyard impossible to enjoy. We've tried pumps and dunks and plants and torches and last year even resorted to pesticides, but nothing seemed to help. So we decided that the pond had outlived it's delightfulness.

Turning the pond into a flower bed seemed like a perfect plan, but when you consider that it will rain an inch or two in an afternoon during a June thunderstorm, we had drainage concerns. No point in putting in a flower bed if it will just turn into a bog. So we set upon the task of busting holes in the bottom of the pond before filling it up. Well, ZPJ set upon the task. My role was more along the lines of idea-deviser and task-supervisor. We tried drilling, but after bending three masonry drill bits, ZPJ just started attacking the cement with a hammer. Two evenings and several blisters later, we had a couple good size holes at the bottom of the pond. Success!Note the marigolds - for extra mosquito protection. And after this picture was taken, a big ol' mint plant was put in the middle...big enough, hopefully, to keep us in mojitos and mint juleps all summer!It's only the first week of May, and already the lawn and beds are starting to look pretty good. I love this time of year when you can watch the plants growing, literally day by day. Soon the whole yard will be filled with greens and pinks and oranges and purples. I can't wait!

Things I Could Be Blogging About Except That They're Kind of Boring

2009-04-29T06:37:00.002-05:00

The weather
How I keep procrastinating writing some thank-you notes
Gardening
Getting a new back door
Cats who drape themselves over couch arms
My mom coming to town unexpectedly
How none of my shoes are fitting quite right these days
A pond with some big holes in it (that one might actually get a post)
How I miss some of my friends who live nearby but I never see
How I'm finally getting the hang of working from home, just as I'm about to stop.
How my student loan people are possibly, maybe, almost probably doing right by me for a change

Any requests?

Huzzah!

2009-04-20T14:07:00.002-05:00

For those of you who haven't heard, Mr. Z passed the Oregon Bar Exam! He's a smarty pants and I am very, very proud of him!

Lauren on the Go

2009-04-16T08:13:00.005-05:00

I finally figured out how to efficiently get pictures off of my iphone and on to my computer, so I can share with you some images from my life over the last couple months.

Random Photos - April

Click on that cute little face of ZPJ's to see the whole album....

Favorite Book Ever

2009-04-02T19:15:00.003-05:00

When I first heard about this film, I prepared myself for being underwhelmed. I thought that there was no way that a picture book so beautiful, so rich, and yet so simple could possibly translate into a feature-length film. And 5 seconds into the trailer, my entire world changed. I may have even started crying just a little bit.

I. Am. So. Excited.

I just don't even know what to say. I am completely thrilled. I can't wait. I just hope that they don't fly too close to the sun. My heart won't be able to take it if this movie doesn't live up to the trailer. Oh, screw it. I don't even care. The trailer itself makes me so happy that I could live on this feeling even if the movie falls short.

Secure

2009-03-31T06:53:00.002-05:00

For the last couple weeks, there has been a cloud of impending layoffs at ZPJ's firm. Every couple days, word is whispered around that they are getting rid of 10%, 20%, who knows how many people. ZPJ felt like his job was relatively secure, but "secure" has a shaky meaning these days.

Yesterday his firm laid off almost 100 people, and he was not among them. It looks like he's stuck there for awhile more. I feel awful about feeling happy, considering so many other families had such a shitty day yesterday, but I am just so relieved. Seeing as I'm only working for another five or six weeks, and insurance is a pretty pressing matter at the moment, I'm not entirely sure what we would have done.

These days, the things that used to make us feel secure suddenly are revealed as being pretty inadequate. Savings accounts aren't actually big enough, investments are a joke, and homes can be lost so quickly. I feel lucky to have escaped trouble for a little while longer, and it makes all our other concerns seem much more manageable. So *clink*! Here's to the continuation of ZPJ's paycheck and benefits!

Before and After

2009-03-21T13:43:00.002-05:00

We had a busy day today, finishing the last phases of de-officing the former office and beginning to turn it into a nursery. Still a long way to go, but it's beginning to take shape.

BEFORE:
AFTER:
And, just in case you needed your fill of "cute" for the day, here is Daddy putting together Baby's first crib...

Really?!?!

2009-03-18T07:12:00.002-05:00

I shockingly realized today that I might be taking the side of congressional Republicans over the Democrats today, but seriously?!?!?!:

The House speaker, Nancy Pelosi, on Tuesday asked three committee chairmen, including Mr. Frank, to come up with legislation to recoup the bonus money, and suggested the House might pass a measure as early as this week.
But the reaction of another of the chairmen, Representative Charles B. Rangel of the tax-writing Ways and Means Committee, underscored the legal and political complexities facing Democrats as they scramble for a solution. Mr. Rangel, a Democrat from New York, objected to one of the most popular ideas being floated — a confiscatory income tax on the recipients. The tax code is not “a political weapon,” he told reporters. -New York Times

Since when do we get mad and create legislation that retroactively penalizes certain contracts? I'm mad as hell about those douchebags getting millions of dollars for crashing the world market, but maybe these are things we should have looked into before we just wrote them a blank check for billions of dollars! This company (and many others who got us into this mess) are full of tricksy, tricksy hobbitses who are used to getting well-paid to screw people over, and we shouldn't have thought for half a second that they wouldn't have pulled something like this.

Come on, Nancy and Barney. Just because you have your majority doesn't mean you get to turn into legislative bullies.

Unfair?

2009-03-10T06:31:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I walked past a cop car that had pulled over and was ticketing a Drivers' Ed car. There was a very confused looking young girl in the car and an older man speaking irritatedly into a cell phone. This struck me because A) it isn't very often that New York's finest bother to pull people over for traffic violations, and B) I kind of thought that anything you did short of mowing down old ladies was fair game if you were in a Drivers' Ed car. I mean, that's the whole point, right? You don't know how to drive. That is why those cars are covered with signs that say "Student Driver". And it's not like there are lots of empty parking lots in central Brooklyn available for testing out your driving moves. It's pretty much sink or swim. So I guess that young driver sank.

Hank's Problems

2009-03-08T22:19:00.003-05:00

On Monday, it snowed a foot. Even though it's March now and supposed to be springtime.This made Hank very, very depressed.
Then, four days later, it was sixty degrees and beautiful outside. This made Hank much happier.
Not as happy as he would be if he could go outside, though.

Finish Line

2009-02-26T08:01:00.003-05:00

ZPJ finished his test yesterday - he seems to feel relatively good about it. When I talked to him yesterday after he had finished, he sounded like he was walking on air. Not surprising, given the burden that he's been carrying around with him for the last few months. I'm just pleased as punch that I'm going to get my husband back now. I was almost getting to the end of being able to entertain myself every evening. A person can only watch so many reruns of House before you've seen them all several times. Of course, he won't be home until Sunday, but I think I'll keep pretty busy before then as my dad is coming into town.

Thanks to all for the well-wishes.

Lucas Dillon

2009-02-20T18:28:00.002-05:00

I have a new nephew, as of 12:02pm today! Huzzah!!!! Amelia is going to be such a good big sister! Isn't he beautiful?!?!?!

Burning Both Ends

2009-02-17T21:18:00.003-05:00

Someone has been keeping late hours at our house lately...it's not me...it's not Stella...it's not Hank...its ZPJ. He has been studying for the Bar Exam of a certain green state out west. And he's been studying hard. Doesn't look like we'll be moving any time soon, but it can't hurt to be admitted in more than one state these days. For the last six weeks, every evening after work he either stays at the office or locks himself up in the spare room and pours over piles of books about trusts and estates and contracts and property and constitutional law. Every weekend he spends hours and hours doing practice essays and piles of multiple choice questions. And next week is the test.

ZPJ has been working so hard, on top of still having a full-time job as a fancy-schmancy downtown lawyer. And this is the second test this year, so it adds up to almost four months out of the last year that he's put all his spare time into studying. We will be very glad when it is over. Granted, my efforts this campaign consist of mostly just pep talks and finally doing my half of the kitchen-cleaning. But I miss having my man around in the evenings. ZPJ is usually the more easy-going and laid back of the two of us, and I will be glad when things regain their normal patterns.

Wish him luck this week. He's working so hard and I am so proud of him, and he deserves to be applauded for the monumental effort of taking this bitch of a test while still working full-time and taking care of a hormonal wife and demanding cats. Poor guy deserves a medal. I should get him one.

Left to Right: Hank hard at work holding down the blue pillow, ZPJ hard at work studying.

No, please, I insist...

2009-02-11T20:26:00.002-05:00

Today was my first official subway-seat-offering from a stranger on account of the pregnancy. A nice lady sitting in front of me offered me her seat. I smiled and declined, but almost immediately regretted it. I should have taken it because I'm kind of on the cusp of looking pregnant instead of just chubby from some angles, and she probably felt like she might have made the wrong assumption when I didn't confirm it for her by sitting down. And NO ONE likes that feeling. Also, two stops later when the train stalled on the bridge, my feet and back really started hurting and I seriously wished I had that damn seat. Can you change your mind five minutes later? "Pardon me...about that seat..."

Hopefully more seat-offerings to come, especially now that the season of bulky coats is almost behind us. Seriously. It's the only benefit to being pregnant in the city. Come on, people. Give 'em up!

Renew

2009-02-08T18:05:00.002-05:00

After another brutally cold week during which every other phrase that I uttered contained "too effing cold!", we had a miraculous and muddy day of almost 60 degrees. The sheets of ice melted by midmorning, and millions of New Yorkers stumbled, pasty and bleary-eyed, onto the streets and into the parks to remind themselves of why they chose to live in this horrible city of extremes.

I was so happy, I was literally singing show tunes to myself and I pranced down my yoga class.

ZPJ and I put on our walking shoes and headed out to the park (along with the rest of Brooklyn) to try and remember what it felt like to move around outdoors when you aren't just scuttling as quickly as possible back and forth from the subway. It was delightful. We were inspired to begin planning our yearly improvements in the backyard. I am so incredibly excited for spring. But I am also sadly resigned to the fact that we'll probably have at least another two-week cold snap before it arrives for good. But just for today I could pretend like winter was behind me and summer ahead of me, and that 2009 was picking up speed at last!

Sweet Sentiments

2009-02-04T15:49:00.002-05:00

My sister-in-law has a new Etsy shop with some delightful stationary for the upcoming Day of Love. If you're looking for something hand-crafted and special, check it out at HotTeaDesigns.etsy.com.

I love having creative people in my life.

Gym Woes

2009-02-04T11:46:00.002-05:00

Stupid gym.

I got a free 3-month membership to a fancy-schmancy gym in the city, and I thought it would be perfect for those cold winter months when the park is not a good spot for being active. It was relatively close to work and I thought I could just swing by before or after work and get my cardio on.

But now that I'm not working in the city, it seems silly to travel 45 minutes each way to get to the gym, especially when I don't have anything else going on. Add to that the cold weather that makes it miserable to go ANYWHERE, not to mention my rapidly increasing belly and decreasing stamina, and its lucky if I get in once a week.

I've been going to yoga twice a week, so I'm still being active, but its a real bummer that the gym isn't working out better. Its a shame to waste the free stuff. Maybe tomorrow after my class...maybe Friday when I don't have anything planned...

Stupid gym.

Take a Moment to Speak Out

2009-01-28T11:13:00.002-05:00

Out of the trillions we are spending on "economic stimulus", Congress is considering including $50 million for the NEA to help save non-profit jobs in the arts. As someone who has lost their job in the arts as a direct result of the recession, I urge you to take two minutes to fill out the form and reach out to your representatives in Congress.

Please follow this link to send an email to your Senator and House Representative urging them to support this small but vital investment in non-profit jobs.

As the form letter states, "Arts organizations employ performers and curators, but also employ accountants, designers, plumbers, union workers and engineers. In fact, there are more full-time jobs supported by the nonprofit arts than are in accounting, public safety officers, even lawyers and just slightly fewer than elementary school teachers." It's about time that Congress made an investment in this critical segment of the American economy.

Spread the word!!! We don't have lots of money for fancy lobbyists like all the other industries out there trying to get a piece of the stimulus pie!

Hibernation

2009-01-26T11:20:00.004-05:00

Usually a slower work schedule corresponds with an increase in blog posts...but lately I've been slacking on all conceivable fronts.

No, not slacking. Sabbatical-ing. If that's a word.

I'm down to working a couple days a week outside of the house, and (ideally) working from home a little bit. I thought I would be bored, but I have been filling my time with all sorts of fabulous things and I kind of don't know how I had time for two other jobs until this point. What have I been spending my time on?

Quilting for my soon-to-arrive nephew
Organizing my home office
Taking pictures of my cats (no change there)
Exploring websites, message boards and blogs about babies, babies, babies...
Knitting a little bit
Watching ZPJ kill zombies on his video game
Going to the gym and yoga as much as I can given how unreasonable the weather is
Complaining about the weather
Doctor appointments
Having lunch, dinner, and desserts with other unemployed friends

So, that's keeping me pretty busy...

I think that I could use just a little more structure in regards to my work-related ventures, but I'm sure that will come. Its just nice, after many years of having too many jobs, to slow down a little bit. I still feel the need to apologize for my free-time, as though it were some kind of character flaw not to be over-committed, but I'm working on getting past that and just enjoying the time and space and cats that I have.

2009

2009-01-03T02:12:00.004-05:00

Looking back on 2008

Roses:

TBTL came into my life
Jamaica with good friends
Having four awesome jobs
Two new cats coming into my life
Getting a new brother-in-law and new sister-in-law
Getting to spend a lot of time with family
Finally going to the Bronx Zoo
Finally convincing ZPJ to impregnate me and (rawr!) we were successful!
Safety and relative health
Going to Prom!
Obama!

Thorns:

Having to listen to too many blowhards during the last nine months of a 16 month presidential campaign.
Losing both of my first and most beloved cats
Ongoing drama with family
Several friends losing parents
Several friends ending long relationships
Losing one of my great jobs
Watching NYC'ers usual optimism get crushed under economic collapse
ZPJ having to take the Bar...
Losing my nesting impulse and watching my home slip into squalor
Not reading enough (I blame TBTL)

Resolutions from 2008 (all were destination resolutions):

Boston - YUP! 4 times!
The Philimando's Lake House - YUP!
North Carolina and a certain bus/coffeeshop- YUP!
The Rockhouse, Jamaica - YUP!
Eastern Europe - NOPE :(
Seattle - YUP! 4 times!
Washington, DC - NOPE :( Maybe in 2009...
Another place that somehow got erased off my list, so I don't remember it. But I definitely didn't go.

Looking forward to 2009

Things that thrill me:

Pregnancy
Beginning motherhood
Keeping two of my awesome jobs
Getting closer to friends and family I love
Getting a new nephew!
My relationship with my new cats growing in love and cuddles
My relationship with ZPJ growing in love (and sleep-deprivation)
Upcoming weddings for people I love
Coming up with a plan for my unexpected part-time maternity leave (January-June)
Not doing a damn bit of (non-baby) work during my actual maternity leave (June-August)
Reading books again - without giving up TBTL
Getting a new sewing machine
Checking things off my lists
Obama!

Things that scare me:

Pregnancy
Beginning motherhood
SPECIFICALLY - labor, delivery, episiotomies, cesareans, drugs, and PAIN
The continuing economic collapse and the crumbling of my personal financial solvency
The shrinking of options and flexibility
The possibility of turning into a barefoot and pregnant housewife
Being far away from family

Resolutions:

Not really this year. I don't even know what this year will bring, so I guess I'm just hoping to have the grace and dignity and perspective to deal with it all in a positive way.

I love you all!

Holiday

2009-01-03T02:01:00.003-05:00

I keep thinking how lucky we are to have made it at all. The day we flew out, 680 flights were cancelled in or out of NYC, and we made it to Oregon with only a four hour delay. The next day we put chains on the rental car and made it driving east on I-84 only two hours before the freeway was closed for three days due to ice and snow and wind. A few days later, and another nearly-cancelled flight, we gave up on flying and rented another car to drive over another mountain and made it with no weather to speak of. Snow, hail, and freezing rain has followed us for two weeks, and yet we have travelled undeterred.

A lot of people didn't make it home to see their families this year because of the uncommonly bad weather, and we could have easily been stalled several times along our way, but we made it. We've had two weeks of gorgeous snow-drifts, cozy fires, family meals, wonderful friends, and good cheer. Usually after a long trip out west ZPJ and I are tired and longing for home, but this year we feel grateful for a laid-back trip with lots of time to just sit back and enjoy the people we miss so much the rest of the year.

But it will be good to fly back in the morning and return to our home and our (almost certainly furious) cats and the people we love in NYC. I feel so lucky to have two coasts that I belong to, both so full of people and places I love and who love me back!

2008-12-10T21:40:00.000-05:00

This month, The American Place Theatre (APT), the company I have been working with for the past three years, is undertaking a huge restructuring. My grant-writing position is being eliminated, along with half of the Theatre's staff positions. I'll still be working for APT in a small capacity as a Teaching Artist and doing some work at home, but I am very saddened by these changes. APT's Literature to Life program reaches about 30,000 students and teachers a year, presenting live theatrical performances of American literature and offering drama workshops in English and Social Studies classes. We work very hard to help students get excited about reading and learning through theatre, and in the past three years I have been overwhelmingly inspired by the kind of changes we have helped bring to the largely low-income urban schools we work in. For a lot of kids we reach, Literature to Life is the first time they have ever seen a play or read a book "for fun".

It's sad for me to get laid off from a job that I loved so much, but the real tragedy is that the program itself has been compromised and there is a chance that, without help, APT won't be able to continue reaching these kids. The recent economic crisis has hit us hard between school budget cuts, stock market problems, and a shrinking donor base - we have to find a way to overcome these huge obstacles.

APT is now launching Project 451, inspired by our newest adaptation, Fahrenheit 451, which envisions a world where no one reads. The goal of Project 451 is to encourage individuals who value theatre, education, and literature to help support Literature to Life and allow us to offer our performances and workshops FOR FREE to schools who cannot afford us. As little as $18 can cover the costs of bringing a student to see a performance of Fahrenheit 451 or The Kite Runner or Black Boy, and as little as $61 covers the cost of a 6-week in-school workshop series for one student.

I've been fundraising for APT for a year and a half and I'm asking for your support now, even as I'm getting laid off, because NOW is the time when it will be determined if Literature to Life can continue. There are a couple really simple things you can do:

visit JoinProject451.org to donate and learn more about our campaign.
tell people you know about us - pass on the Project 451 website to other teachers, librarians, parents, and actors you know who will understand how important our work is.
Go to www.GoodSearch.com set up your computer to use GoodSearch as your default search engine (instead of Google) and choose "American Place Theatre" as your selected charity - every time you search the internet GoodSearch will donate a penny to the Theatre. You can also learn about GoodShop, which donates a portion of your online shopping at major sites like Amazon and Ebay and The Gap to APT (great during holiday shopping time!)
visit www.americanplacetheatre.org to learn about Literature to Life - even though we are based in NYC, we tour our performances to libraries, colleges, public schools, and performing arts centers around the country. Its essential that we keep touring during this down-sizing period, so if you know any schools or colleges that might be interested in booking a performance, call the theatre or pass on the word!

PLEASE consider donating, even a very small amount, to Project 451 this holiday season. Big things can happen when a lot of people give just a little - it can change everything. In order for Project 451 to succeed, we can't rely on big donors, we have to rely on ordinary people who are willing, in these really hard times, to stand up for the importance of books and theatre and education and give a few dollars to help this incredibly important and effective program continue.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your support. It sucks being laid off, and I'm so grateful to have friends and family like you right now. I hope that you consider supporting Literature to Life this month - even if its just by spreading the word. I wouldn't ask if I didn't believe that it was absolutely critical.

Spare Time

2008-12-04T20:39:00.003-05:00

I just want to write down for the record what my week has been like, so that in coming years (months) I can look back and be jealous of myself.

Monday: Umm...nothing notable. I just went to work, came home, and spent the evening surfing the internet and (once ZPJ came home) watching movies.

Tuesday: All I had to do was teach a workshop midday - I slept in, caught up with a friend, went shopping in Soho by myself in the afternoon, spent a couple hours wandering around the shops and ended up buying myself some lovely (transitional) tops before wandering home. A friend came over after dinner - we made tea and had girl-talk while our husbands worked late.

Wednesday: After work, I got coffee with a friend, then picked up a couple other friends when they got off work. We did a little holiday shopping, and then, right when I was about to head home, I got a call from yet another person who convinced me to get dinner and go to an off-off-Broadway downtown theatre one-man show about the life and times of Anne Heche.

Thursday: Again, after work, headed out for hot chocolate and macaroons and a tour of Macy's holiday dresses in preparation for New Years. Finally made it home around 8 to make myself some pasta.

Tomorrow...catching the 6pm bus up north to hang out with the newly formed Team J - Boston division.

Maybe this doesn't sound remarkable or interesting in the slightest, but I'm coming to realize that I will never have spare time ever again. I will never be able to decide, at the last minute, to spend a couple hours wandering around after work getting coffee and shopping because I'll be having to head home to feed the baby or relieve the baby-sitter. Not that I'll never go to plays or out to coffee or go shopping again, but I'll never be able to do it without planning in advance. Unplanned detours are one of my greatest joys of NYC life, but from June on, after work - straight home! So, if you ever want to do something spontaneous with me ever again, get me before June!

Putting It Off...

2008-12-02T22:46:00.003-05:00

When I was in school I had papers and reading to procrastinate. When I was working four jobs, I could always find something to procrastinate. Now I'm down to two, and I'm somehow finding other things to procrastinate - things that I would normally be really excited about doing. Things that, when I'm at work, I think "I would rather be..." but then when I get home I somehow...don't.

Things that I am procrastinating, even though I would really enjoy doing them:

Making a book for my niece for Christmas
Reading a novel that I started and really like so far
Knitting a jacket for Baby that I've been half-way through for a month
Cooking myself delicious meals that would be healthy and make my house smell great
Writing entertaining blog posts
Checking those last couple things off my to-do list from the job I "finished" last month - tying up loose ends

Things I'm doing instead:

Watching, on average, 16 hours of "House" every evening (I don't know how that happens, exactly, but that's what makes it magical)
Reading endless message boards and blogs about things I wish I didn't know about, like episiotomys and pitocin
Shopping online (fruitlessly) for a New Year's party dress that will make me look cute and chic, not fat.
IMing ZPJ updates about the cats' movements around the house every 10 minutes

I need some guilt, or motivation, or something. Or I need to embrace the fact that I'm destined to be illiterate, my child will be unclothed, and all my family will get gift certificates for Christmas.

Test

2008-11-23T17:38:00.000-05:00

Can I post from my new phone?

Yup.

June 5, 2009

2008-11-22T12:45:00.002-05:00

Drumroll....
dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada..............

I'm pregnant!!!

ZPJ and I are expecting a little one to join us in early June. So far, everything is AWESOME and now that I'm out of the first trimester I'm feeling great! No bump yet, but Baby is a whopping 2.5 inches long and growing fiercely.

I've been keeping a more body/baby-related blog lately, so please check it out at www.bodynotes.blogspot.com.

Uphill

2008-11-22T10:26:00.003-05:00

I have been feeling so negative this week. I think that maybe it has something to do with the fact that both ZPJ and my workplaces are being directly affected by this "economic downturn" or, more accurately, "economic fuckall". ZPJ's firm started doing attorney layoffs this week, which SUCKS, even though he's probably fine for right now. And my particular job of grant-writing is becoming more and more of a sisyphean task with all foundations having less and less money to go around. I didn't expect crappy things like credit default swaps and high-risk mortgages to affect my life so directly so soon, but they have, and I'm not happy about it. Is it the same in other places in the country? Or is Manhattan just biting us in the ass for having lived the good life for the last couple years?

Craftin'

2008-11-17T15:20:00.003-05:00

Sometimes ZPJ teases me about my crafting, but especially this time of year it is very appealing. I was sent the following email, and it really struck a spot for me.

My dear friends,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and
Christmas is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you
all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree
that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've
included the instructions below.

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads: You need four maxi pads to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part. The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top. Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part. Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself.. .. Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.

Sentry

2008-11-15T00:00:00.002-05:00

If I had a working video camera, you would right now be watching a clip of my cat being extremely frustrated and confused about the fact that the dvd tray on the dvd player keeps opening and closing. Just when you might think that he's sniffed at the tray and tapped the little window and stared at the machine for long enough that the torment is over, it opens again!

God bless remote controls.

Half Day

2008-11-13T13:24:00.003-05:00

Hypothetically, I only work part-time. But since, for many months out of the year, I have four part-time jobs, I usually keep myself pretty busy. But this month, one of my jobs ended and another of them is in a down period, so today I suddenly found myself for the first time in months with an afternoon off! And what an afternoon it is! Rainy, gloomy, cold...the perfect afternoon for sitting on my couch watching the cats nap!

Here are my plans for the day:

Blog Post (check)
Catch up on some paperwork
Take some pictures of cats in amusing napping positions
Do some yoga
Catch up on my knitting
Maybe take a nap, if it doesn't interfere with my above plans

I'll be posting an update later in the day to let you know how it goes.

Uh Oh

2008-11-12T08:58:00.000-05:00

!!!

Can I stay on your couch if this horror story comes true?

The Map Has Changed

2008-11-05T06:32:00.002-05:00

I can't believe its over. Is it exaggerating to say that everything has changed?

VOTE

2008-11-04T14:49:00.002-05:00

It isn't very often you get to be a part of making history.

All my progressive friends are consumed with last-minute anxiety cultivated over years of getting the short end of the electoral stick, but SCREW IT, I'm optimistic.

Voting in a packed cafeteria this morning after standing in line with hundreds of my neighbors was a pretty awesome feeling. ZPJ was in line behind me, reading The Nine and the chapter about the 2000 Supreme Court decision. Reading history, making history.

I don't think that we're going to see our world changing overnight, but I do think we are entering an era of...wait, no. I'm too superstitious to philosophize just yet. Maybe I have a little of the leftist anxiety. I'll wait till tomorrow for that.

If you need some cathartic reading while waiting for the results to come in...

Keeping Tally

2008-11-03T08:01:00.003-05:00

Starbucks is giving out free coffee to voters tomorrow!

For your reference, that's:

Ice Cream at Ben & Jerry's
"Toys" at Babeland
Coffee at Starbucks

all to celebrate the end of this frickin-frackin election cycle and the disaster that has been the last eight years!

TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Team J is hitting the polling site EARLY - like 6 or 7 am - because we are scared by the pictures of the long line on the TV.

Do you know of any other voter swag?

Hampy Hamoneem!!!

2008-10-30T21:19:00.002-05:00

Go Team Ghost!!!!

Sharing the Love...

2008-10-30T15:29:00.002-05:00

Remember that great news about the free Ben and Jerry's ice cream on election day??? Well, THIS is even better news!

I totally kick ass.

2008-10-28T21:35:00.003-05:00

Turns out it is WAY more fun to run a conference at an actual conference center with in-house AV and a staff that answers their phones, as opposed to a fake-gothic cathedral with no cell-reception or adequate heating. Yay for technology!

So, the conference is over and I'm offiially down to only three part-time jobs now. And someone at the conference hinted that they might offer me a job and I hinted that I would turn it down. Yes, folks, that's right. I am learning to say no.

Other things I've been saying "NO" to lately:

Drugs
People who ask for AV two days before the conference
National Novel Writing Month
Doing the laundry (sorry, ZPJ - maybe I should rethink that one)

Pile

2008-10-22T22:20:00.002-05:00

I'm heading into my huge annual conference, this year complicated by a new venue and the replacement of a co-worker. I'm trying not to stress out about it, but every year around this time I manage to convince myself that I've forgotten something huge, and this is no exception.

My brother-in-law and his lovely lady were inconsiderate enough to schedule their wedding for the Saturday before my conference, so I'm heading up to Bean Town for a little vay-cay and partying. Upside: I'm getting to see my beautiful niece and celebrate with my loved ones. Downside: I had to finish all my preparation for the biggest day of my year five days in advance.

Anyway, I'm heading to bed to try and get some rest before it all hits the fan, but between the travel, the conference, the election, and everything else, I don't know if I'll be able to sleep...

Taxes in the Morning

2008-10-17T10:59:00.002-05:00

My friend, Jo, was invited on The Early Show to do a segment about "average Joe's" and what their actual tax breaks would be under each candidate's plan. Take a look - in addition to having Pretty Lady Jo, it also is kind of interesting.

Seriously, though, who out there bases their vote on which candidate will personally benefit them the most, financially? I think tax policies are a critical part of a candidate's platform, but not because it will either help or hurt me - because it either helps or hurts the entire country. Am I naive?

I was feeling so good...

2008-10-17T08:23:00.001-05:00

Maybe too good.

I think that "Take Back Your Life Month" has perhaps been a bit too successful. I have enjoyed movies, spent time with friends, finished a book, caught up on my sleep. But now my big annual conference is looming less than two weeks away and I'm not feeling great about how prepared I am. Damn you, TBYLM!

I wasn't stressed about the conference until yesterday, and then I looked at my constantly-expanding to-do list and EEK.

So...I guess I have to give my life back until next month.

AWESOME!!!

2008-10-14T13:36:00.000-05:00

Come to participating scoop shops on November 4th from 5-8pm, show us you voted and you'll get a free scoop of ice cream. Show us your "I Voted" sticker, a photo of you in front of your polling station, do the "I Voted dance" or just tell us you voted.

It's about time, but it's still too late.

2008-10-10T19:11:00.002-05:00

It has been painfully obvious that John McCain has been strong armed into an increasingly negative - downright nasty - campaign, and today he finally took a stand against the fear and misinformation that his own campaign has been propagating.

I disagree with the man about pretty much everything, and I don't particularly trust his potential for leadership, but I have always been under the impression that he's a person with a certain standard of integrity. The last couple weeks have challenged that impression, and it makes me happy to see that he's taking a stand (even if the rest of his campaign isn't giving up the vitriol that quickly).

Yes We Can (hold babies)

2008-10-09T06:45:00.001-05:00

As the campaign season (more like decade) gets nastier and nastier, I thank Isaac for sharing with us some awww-inspiring bloggage:
http://yeswecanholdbabies.wordpress.com/

It's Here!

2008-10-06T07:35:00.002-05:00

I love Autumn. I love, love, love Autumn. The air actually smells fresh - it smells like rain and leaves. I love, love, love Autumn in the city. I love living next to a park in Autumn. I love dressing for Autumn. I love doing the things I never do except in Autumn, like making soup and knitting. LOVE IT. I hope it lasts.

October is "Take Back Your Life Month"!

2008-10-01T07:26:00.003-05:00

Goodbye, September! You were inspiring, but WAY too much work!

Welcome October! You require work, too, but I'm not going to let you take over my life. In fact, I'm using you to Take Back My Life!

What does Take Back Your Life Month entail?

A couple of evenings and at least one day a week without working!
Socializing, celebrating, comforting, relaxing, catching up with friends!
Reading a book! In fact, going to book club!
Eating well - maybe even cooking!
Snuggling!
Getting lots of sleep!
Catching up on projects!
Spending time outside!
Feeling ahead of the game instead of behind the game!

Doesn't this sound like fun? You can join me! Sign up below to take part in Take Back Your Life Month!

Homeward

2008-09-29T10:46:00.002-05:00

Heading out to the airport to go back to NYC today. I had a furiously busy and beautiful week with my sister's wedding. We had completely, undeservedly gorgeous weather. Nothing like clear blue skies and warm breezes and mountain views to make you have an unrealistic and romanticised vision of the Northwest in your mind as you head back to Brooklyn.

Ah, Brooklyn. Will it be sun-dappled with fall colors? Will it be melodic in its chaos? Or will it be dirty and stinky?

This is what is getting me through the night

2008-09-23T20:18:00.001-05:00

Day 17

2008-09-23T07:12:00.002-05:00

I am not sure how I managed, but I am finally on my last day of a long stretch of work. I am exhausted and fried and so is everyone else around me. But somehow its all getting done.

Tomorrow I leave for Washington for my sister's wedding. As maid of honor (matron of honor, actually, but how horrible is that?) I don't think that the next six days will be a huge break, but at least it will be a change of scenery.

My body is so close to revolting against me.

Back To School

2008-09-18T06:40:00.003-05:00

For any of you who are heading back to school this fall, or working on the school schedule in some other way, I bring you two videos that have significantly shaped my own fall.

One is a statement of need, a call to action. Our schools have become a place where right answers are valued more than the questions, where the success of the school is more important than the growth of the child, where millions of minds are expected to look the same.

So often in discussions about the needs of students, we forget to listen to the kids themselves. We are confident that we know what is best for them, that we are the leaders. This year the Dallas Independant School District gathered together the 20,000 teachers, janitors, paraprofessionals, principals, and others who work in that school system for a kick-off-the-year convention, and the keynote speaker was Dalton Sherman. You MUST hear this voice.

I'm optimistic about this year. I think big things are going to happen.

2008-09-16T07:24:00.003-05:00

Will someone please tell me what is going on with the financial market this week? I have been diligently reading the newspaper and scouring the multi-media features, but I understand NONE of it. Not even a little bit. All I can tell is that people who already have a lot of money are freaked about losing it. What about those of us who only have a very little bit of money? Or no money at all but a lot of debt? What does this all mean?

I don't know many people in the financial world, but all this is going on just a couple miles from me and as the ripples get wider and wider I suspect that pretty soon its going to be my friends and loved ones who are out of work and wondering where all their assets went.

Keep Going

2008-09-14T21:46:00.002-05:00

I haven't really had time to update the ol' blog this week and, really, I could have just re-posted that last post every night. I've been working way too much and this week, even though I still have things scheduled every day, I'm going to work really hard to have relaxing evenings. I might even (gasp) spend some time with my husband. Possibly in conversation. I know, I know...its a slippery slope and I'll have to watch out. Too much "conversation" and soon he'll be expecting regular dialogue and communication and talking and ICK it just makes me cringe to guess what else. Ideas?!?!? Sharing?!?!?! These are the things they don't tell you about in premarital counseling.

When I think back to what I have accomplished in the last week, I'm really impressed with myself. For you, dear readers, a list of things that exist now that did not exist a week ago:

A complete program draft for the Big Event next month
5 lesson plans for TA Training
Collaboratively developed pre/post curriculum for a cool show
A ridiculously specific 34-page grant proposal
A whole weekend of facilitating training sessions
A handmade guest book, flower girl wreath, and ring bearer pillow for my sisters' wedding
A residency outline for a new class

And it only took 12-14 hours a day for the last 8 days to do all this! I rock!

I am so tired

2008-09-08T23:12:00.002-05:00

My eyes are burning. I've been working all day and I still have something huge to do before tomorrow and I'm not exactly sure when it's going to get done. I am so tired. But I have another mega-long day ahead of me, followed by 21 more after it, so I don't know if its better to sleep now or plough through and be done. Either way, my mind is drifting and I keep finding myself on websites that are not work related, so I must be trying to tell myself that its time to be done.

A Journey Worth Taking

2008-09-08T22:17:00.002-05:00

There is a mythical creature in our world, rarely sighted but often storied: The Undecided Voter.

A friend of mine has recently come out as just such a creature, and she has invited me along on an epic journey into the heart of the political jungle. She is keeping a blog to document her negotiation of a variety of issues, based on the candidates' positions and some other research. She'll go through, issue by issue, and has invited her online community to join her. This is how she describes herself:

I registered to vote when I turned 18. I just turned 30. I moved to New York City 6 years ago which means exactly one half of my political influence while of voting age happened in the conservative South, and one half in the liberal North. Marry that statistic with this personality flaw/trait(?): I am ever reticent to voice an opinion, especially about politics, without sincere conviction. During political discourse of any persuasion, I am the one listening, full of conscious curiosity, challenging mean-spirited remarks, but almost never taking a clear stance. Perspective is one of my personal virtues, but seeing both sides of an issue sure does make voting arduous... Whether you are left or right, whether you vote for politicians or for parties, whether you’ve made up your mind or your mind is not yet made, you’re cordially invited along for this ride.

If you are interested in getting beyond partisan news coverage and campaign press-releases to a real negotiation of issues that many of us may have thought we came to conclusions about a long time ago, I encourage you to check her out HERE.

It's Like It's Over Before It Even Started

2008-09-07T21:24:00.003-05:00

I just enjoyed my last day off until...at least October 1st, but probably the 4th. And what did I spend it doing? Working.

But I have a lot to prepare for.

This week:

half-days training at job #1
20+ hours at job #2
evening work for job #3
prep work and planning meetings for job #4
weekend workshops -all day both days - for job #4

Next week:

half-day training for job #1
half-day training for job #4
evening work for jobs #2 and #3
all weekend festival for jobs #2 and #4

The following week:

only two days to have training, meetings, and office hours for jobs #1, #2, #3, and #4 because
then I fly to WA to be my sisters' maid of honor and (hopefully) make it out of the weekend without alienating any more friends/family.

October, ah October. How I dream of thee. Even though I'll still be neck deep in job #2, even deeper in job #3, and HOPEFULLY start getting booked for jobs #1 and #4 on a regular basis.

You would think that I would be making more money than I do.

Charts for Nerds

2008-09-05T08:50:00.002-05:00

The NY Times put together a nifty chart about the conventions. If you like bubbles, check it out:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/09/04/us/politics/20080905_WORDS_GRAPHIC.html

If you just like charts in general, check out www.graphjam.com.

The Big Picture

2008-09-03T17:04:00.003-05:00

I think that in every job application and cover letter I've written, I've claimed to be a "detail-oriented person" and, sometimes, after constructing a very elaborate spreadsheet, I actually believe this to be true. But then, two months later, when I realize that I left some very, very important data off of that spreadsheet, I have to offer profuse apologies for not being as detail-oriented as I claimed.

I hate that sinking, tightening feeling in the gut when you realize that you made a big mistake, and you have to fess up to it.

I made a beautiful brochure for my big annual event, and the information on it is 95% true...which my dear friend JBster pointed out is better than 90%...but I still don't feel very good about it.

Maybe it's okay to be a big-picture person instead of a detail person, but it is not so good to be a big-picture person who is also a perfectionist. Maybe on my next cover letter I should write that I am a "big picture person with occasional but erratic bouts of anal retentiveness." Does that make you want to hire me? I hope not, because I have too much work right now. Feast or famine, my friends. The curse of the freelancer.

2008-09-02T08:53:00.002-05:00

The NY Times Top Emailed Stories:

Six of the top ten stories are about Sarah Palin, and one more about sexism in the workplace. Congratulations to the GOP for effectively dominating the news cycle this week.

What times we are living through! Regardless that McCain's VP pick is beyond desperate and condescending, he has ensured that history will be made this year and the White House won't just belong to crusty old white dudes anymore.

Yikes!

2008-08-26T20:38:00.003-05:00

Scary Baby! Is it just me, or does this baby look like she's wearing a wig?! Why would you put a baby in a wig? Why would any parent want their baby to actually GROW hair like that??? Babies are supposed to have adorable ringletts or peach fuzz. What were they thinking?!?!?!?

How Much is Too Much?

2008-08-25T19:33:00.002-05:00

I think I have too much cabbage.

I really wanted some chopped cabbage salad and I got some white cabbage at the market and ordered some red cabbage from Fresh Direct, but they sent me MORE white cabbage, and now I have more than it is likely I will eat this week....

Cabbage anyone? Stop on by Team J Headquarters for a good, cabbagey time!

UNRELATED: Happy 30th, ZPJ!!!! You are my sweetheart and my darling and if you ever get off work and come home, I will give you even more kisses than cabbage!!!

Gutters and Strikes

2008-08-24T12:31:00.006-05:00

ZPJ worked a 33-hour shift without breaks on Wednesday and Thursday, and has had to be in all weekend as well. He seems confident that another all-nighter is in his cards tonight...

He did manage to leave a little early, however, to celebrate his upcoming 30th with bowling and beer-halling:

In attendance:

The Dude: Zach "Hey, man, there's a beverage here..."
Maude Lebowski: Michelle "My work has been commended as strongly vaginal"
Brandt: Brad "Her life is in your hands, Dude"
Bunny: Joanne "Uli doesn't care about anything"
Uli: Brian "I believe in nothing"
Jesus: Angela "Dios mio, man"
The Big Lebowski: Zach "Get a job, sir!"
Marty, The Landlord: Lauren "My cycle is being performed"
Jackie Treehorn: Sarah "The brain is the biggest erogenous zone"
The Stranger: John "Do you have to use so many cuss words?"
Donny: Lindsay "I'm throwing rocks tonight!"

Big Announcement

2008-08-21T22:35:00.004-05:00

We're expanding! Team J Headquarters is not really complete without fuzzers, and we happened to find some kitties who were in need of a good home and lots of perching places. They are an middle-aged bonded pair, male/female, and they are very outgoing and sweet. Tonight has involved a lot of snooping in corners and exploration of strange noises, as well as some good ear-scratching.

Welcome, Fuzzerifics!

For My First "Awesome"

2008-08-21T15:13:00.003-05:00

I am very, very excited about this article:

Better to be Fat and Fit than Skinny and Unfit

It's seems like common sense, on one hand, but then you start reading the 158 comments attached and it becomes more complicated.

There seems to be a real fear present in the comments that if fat people aren't made to feel shameful, something bad will happen. "Uh oh! If we tell them its okay to be fat, who knows what will happen!!!" Maybe skinny people will have to stop feeling superior. The horror.

But the greatest thing is the comments from all the women out there who testify about how great they feel about themselves and how fit they are, despite their BMI. Yay, women!!!

I can't remember if I wrote about this last month, but I had a doctor advise me to lose 45lbs within six months without asking about my current diet or exercise habits and it really got under my skin. I eat better and exercise more than most of my friends who are within a "normal" BMI and I would have to develop an eating disorder to drop that kind of weight in any amount of time. So, even though this study might not change societal perceptions, I do hope that it has some effect in the medical community.

Awesome/Not Awesome

2008-08-21T15:10:00.002-05:00

I'm instituting a new protocol on the blog, in homage to TBTL.

Things that are awsome will be tagged "Rawr", things that are not awesome will be tagged "Come on"

Back In The Swing of Things

2008-08-20T23:32:00.003-05:00

It's nice to return to New York when the weather is actually enjoyable.

I had a stressful trip. There were altercations with family members. I am trying to block it out because every time I think of it I get a little nauseated.

My tip for the day: When people tell you that open communication is the best thing and that it is better to have things openly addressed rather than oppressed, THEY ARE LYING. Do not attempt. Always push things down, down, down, and just smile until you get on the plane. If you find yourself tempted to clear the air and say something honest, very sincerely look in your heart and ask yourself, "what's the worst that could happen?" Because it probably will.

On a related note: Thank you for all your kind words regarding my last post. It really comforted me. I am feeling very blessed by having so many supportive and comforting people in my life, especially those of you who are so far away!

On an UNrelated note: I think people in this city work too much. Or at least people I know. One person I talked to tonight was contemplating getting a 5-10 job on top of her 9-5 job. Another person I know (who I should be sleeping with tonight) is pulling an all-nighter at the office and reaching for that golden ring of "double-time after 24 consecutive hours". And I, dear reader, just finished sending off a slew of work emails that will have a 12:23am time-stamp on them.

I'm going to bed. Alone. Lawdy, I am pathetic.

TEASER: Big News Tomorrow. Maybe.

Bi-Coastal

2008-08-14T00:36:00.003-05:00

I flew into Seattle very late last night, or maybe very early this morning, and by mid-day I was cruising up I-5 on my way to my sister's. The rolling landscape, the brilliant sky, the far off ridge of mountain peaks - it all felt like home. But it also made me sad because it is such a far cry from Brooklyn, which IS my home and has been for longer than anywhere else in my adult life. I love Brooklyn, I love NYC, and I love the Pacific Northwest, and I am torn because I want to have both all time. I wish I didn't have to choose.

Every time we come back to the NW, it gets harder. It gets harder because it is increasingly expensive and time-consuming. It gets harder because I am balancing my emotional and spiritual energy, my identity even, between two coasts. It gets harder because I am trying to maintain MANY relationships over very far distances.

I think I might be at a breaking point. I might be at the point when I can't maintain those relationships anymore, and they are going to start deteriorating. Maybe I have already reached that point and now I'm just at the point where I'm realizing it. I think I might be at the point where its no longer okay to split myself - my time, my heart, my dreams - between these two places.

The tensions are thickening. The unspoken (and sometimes VERY spoken) accusations are flying. There isn't time to address anything, mend anything. There's barely time to catch up, get some hugs, and get back on the plane.

The NW makes me love Brooklyn even more. Brooklyn makes me love the NW even more. I've long passed the chance to move back and pick up where I left off - the last three years have changed me. Maybe the changes are just the natural effects of that much time, but I think a lot of it has to do with the place that I've been during that time - a place where so much of my life is lived in public, so many people crammed in a small space, so much competition for jobs, apartments, good seats at the bars, so little space for quiet and reflection.

I'm not ready to leave NY, not even close. I missed it as soon as I got off the plane, and I'm not ready for that missing to be a constant part of my life. But I don't know how long I can keep stretching my heart between both coasts. I am tired of having the same fights about love and time every time we come back here. I am tired of always feeling guilty and distant and aloof and separate. I'm sick of missing every milestone in my friends' and families' lives. Even when I manage to be there for the day, the weekend, I'm not really there. Every trip is marked by the people I didn't get to see, the gatherings that I had to cut short. And even if I moved back here next week, I would just switch the coast that I was cutting short. I'd start feeling guilty and jealous every time I visited New York.

I'm in love with two places. I think it must be like being in love with two people. You can make it work for a little while, but eventually the one or the other catches on, and everyone knows you can't keep both.

The Elderly

2008-08-10T23:33:00.003-05:00

Got another year older yesterday.

Highlights:

I played the building at the Governor's Island Ferry Terminal, thanks to David Byrne
I spent a romantic and peaceful afternoon on Governor's Island, thanks to ZPJ (but sans champagne, thanks to the bag-checkers)
I had a fun game night with some friends, thanks to...friends...

Some Lessons Learned over the last year:

Always read the fine print on student loans
Love your cats as much as you can when you're able
Having a sunroom for a bedroom drastically increases your quality of life
You can't make all the people (read: Family) happy all the time
I am a lucky, lucky, lucky girl

One more year in my twenties, folks. Let's make it count.

In Memoriam, Benny, 1994 (?) - 2008

2008-08-05T23:10:00.003-05:00

For the second time this summer, Team J lost a cat. Benny had some pretty serious problems in her stomach and intestines. She stopped eating consistently about a week before she died, spent some time in the kitty emergency room, and finally passed away on Wednesday, July 3oth in the late evening.

She was, as you can see, an aggressive sleeper. Rarely a day went by without finding her curled in a perfectly circular fashion on whichever piece of furniture/floor/box/clothing she fancied at the moment.

Benny was best known for:

Hiding in the Garden
Loudly demanding food
Sleeping
Snaggletoothing
Licking ZPJ's left nostril and beard (but never the right nostril)
Jumping onto the piece of furniture you were most likely to walk past so she could lean into you.
Rolling around in catnip bags that were mistakenly left too close to the edge of the table
Sleeping
Hunting moths in the backyard, which she was good at because she was black like the night.
Spooning
Sleeping
When you held her and she wanted to lick you, she would claw the nearest part of your body to make sure you weren't going anywhere. LJ says it was more like a caress, but ZPJ stands by his clawing description.

She and her sister are already so greatly missed, and have left an empty home in their wake. They were the sweetest pets we ever could have hoped for, and while surely other cats may come and go, they will live long with us and will never be replaced.

2008-08-04T14:19:00.001-05:00

Benny died on Wednesday.

I am devastated.

I have been trying for the last five days to distract myself from the fact that I live in a catless house.

Worry

2008-07-23T20:51:00.002-05:00

Team J is running on a skeleton crew this week. I'm going to Atlanta for a conference tomorrow morning, and a couple hours before I fly back on Saturday, ZPJ flies out for Oregon and won't return until next Thursday.

PROS:

There will always be someone here, so we didn't need to get a cat-sitter
It's too hot to cuddle much anyway

CONS:

Everything else

Things have been a little crazy at Team J headquarters this month. We were just barely dealing with the loss of our Casey Cat, and then a couple weeks ago Benny started going downhill. I tried to be moderate and measured, but I barely made it a week before hauling her skinny little black butt to the vet and bursting into tears in front of the doctor. Several hundred dollars later, the tests have shown that EITHER Benny has some intestinal inflamed bowel thing, or she has lymphoma in her intestines. The treatment for both is steroids, so she's getting juiced for a couple weeks and if she gets better it's the bowel thing, and if she doesn't get better...she doesn't get better. Last night she was really looking good, hunting down dangling deli slices and cuddling all night. Tonight, however, she's huddled in the dark and refuses to eat anything or let us hold her. I am FREAKING OUT about leaving town and then being alone with her all next week, but what can you do.

I used to be a normal person, but I've become a crazy cat lady who obsessively talks about her cat's health and eating habits. Sorry.

Retreating

2008-07-18T11:02:00.002-05:00

I just realized exactly how long it has been since I've blogged, but I'm on a staff retreat in the woods and can't really do anything about it except say:

"HI!!! I hope your July is rocking and rolling!!!"""

Bolster

2008-07-01T20:33:00.002-05:00

Well, it turns out I don't completely suck at my job!

Just found out this evening that we were successful in our first fully-competitive local government grant. Yay government funding!

It's been a long year of denials and brush-offs and I'm feeling very good about knowing that some of my hard work is paying off. And within the next couple weeks we should hear about discretionary funding and one private grant that I've been gunning for, so even more to look forward to.

I like writing, I like problem solving, I like thinking creatively about how to make things grow, but I'm not crazy about constant rejection. So am I cut out for Development? Of course, who IS crazy about rejection? Is this a field only suitable for masochists? Anyway, it was nice to have a day that DIDN'T include getting shot down. Yay!

Part-Timer

2008-07-01T10:12:00.004-05:00

This is the first week of the summer where I really feel like I am working part-time, even though I've been nominally working part-time since, well, since I moved to New York three years ago, I guess. There have been phases, especially during the summer, when that seems like an accurate description of my schedule, but most of the time it just feels like what it is - that I have four part-time jobs. This summer I'm down to two, though, and it looks like I'll actually get to reap the benefits.

However, there seems to be a inversely proportional relationship between my schedule and ZPJ's. The less I'm working, the longer hours he has to spend at the office. He's been rolling home at about 10:30pm and working all weekend the last couple weeks, and it looks like its going to stay that way for awhile.

So, basically, I have all this free time to myself. What will I be doing with it?

Here are some ideas, but please give me some of yours as well:

Using my membership card to its fullest extent and becoming a daily regular at The Brooklyn Botanical Garden
Being one of those smug, freelancing hipsters at the Tea Lounge on Union Streeet sipping cappuccinos and typing furiously on their laptops (although I don't have a mac, so there is a limit to which this is achievable)
Spending at least one afternoon a week down on the beach at Coney Island
Writing a novel
Writing a play
Kicking my creative life up a notch - getting some work done on all those projects which have been gathering dust
Going to museums (especially on days when I need the air conditioning)
Learning to love cooking
Visiting family members who are near but not in the metro area

What I will probably spend all my time doing (if history teaches us anything):

Watching marathons of "What Not To Wear" and eating grilled cheese sandwiches in my pjs
Having very long and in depth conversations with my cat
Spending an unreasonable amount of time shopping online for things I don't need
Complaining about the heat
Wishing more of my friends also worked part-time
Bombarding ZPJ with fevered monologues when he gets home at night because he's the only person (besides the cat) that I've talked to all day

Can I buck the trend? I hope so. This could be a beautiful summer if only I would just put some underwear on and leave the apartment.

I've been working hard since grad school ended...

2008-06-26T20:33:00.002-05:00

This is what I spent the last hour on.

Ugh

2008-06-23T07:42:00.002-05:00

I just got an email which caused me to realize that I royally screwed up on something at work. I have a sinking feeling in my tum-tum and now I have to go in and deal with it. Blech. I hate this guilty-icky-forgetful feeling.

*&$%@. That's what I say.

The Summer of Health

2008-06-22T18:54:00.002-05:00

It is officially The Summer of Health. Watch out!

The Summer of Health includes:

getting (closer to) 8 hours of sleep a night
walking for 30-60 minutes, four times a week. Mostly in the morning. Sometimes in the evenings
Eating lots of fresh foods (veggies, fishies, fruits) and avoiding, but not necessarily cutting out, wheat, potatoes, dairy, and sugar (I'm contemplating a detox-clense diet, but that seems a little more hard-core than I am prepared for)
Cutting out some very bad habits
One Hundred Push-Ups in Six Weeks
Catching up on doctors visits

Since the Summer of Health began last week, I already dropped 4lbs! I might have been dehydrated when I weighed myself yesterday...which isn't healthy...but I'm counting it anyway.

WHAT?!?!?!?

2008-06-19T15:48:00.001-05:00

I am shocked, SHOCKED, to find gambling going on....

Nice!

2008-06-19T08:25:00.003-05:00

I helped a guy find his way out of Penn Station yesterday - he was looking for Macy's and seemed confused. I was heading out to 34th, so I told him to come with me, and as we left he asked, "Do you shop at Macy's?" and handed me a gift card. I thanked him, but I was slightly confused by this unprecedented level of interaction and I couldn't think of what else to say, so we shared a very awkward and silent escalator ride up to the street. When we reached 34th, I pointed out the department store as big as 10 football fields across the street and we smiled and parted ways.

I found the gift card in my bag last night and logged on to their website to see if it was for reals, and sure enough, it has $45 on it! Sweet! I'm going shopping!

Would You?

2008-06-12T22:17:00.002-05:00

If you ignored my urging to start listening to Too Beautiful To Live a couple weeks ago, now is a good times to mend your ways. I wrote in an email the other day in response to a conversation they had about the dude who climbed up the NY Times building last week:

Dear Luke and Jen; Lauren here, one of the NYC podcast tens. I listen to your show everyday...although usually several days late. This morning I was walking into the office while listening to the story about the guy who climbed the New York Times building last week and was just tickled pink. I love hearing stories about Seattle, my home-of-long-ago, but this was the first time on TBTL that I got to listen to a story that I had first-hand experience with. Last thursday I was leaving the office with co-workers to go have some cocktails and in the elevator someone was talking about a guy climbing the building. I work on 37th and 8th, just three blocks down, so when I walked out the door, sure enough, the dude was trucking his way up at about the 40th floor. The cops shut down all of 8th avenue at that point and people were just flooding the streets to watch. It was kind of amazing, because as I'm sure you know from your time in the city, new yorkers don't really like to acknowledge one another if possible, especially on 8th ave, and yet we were all captivated by this climb. I have to say, 57 floors is a long way up, and the whole time I was watching him I was having an internal debate of whether I would continue watching if he started to fall. I think I would have wanted to close my eyes, but maybe my imagination would have been worse than the real thing. would you watch or look away? he did make it to the top, of course, and the whole street erupted in cheers. and then we all averted our eyes from one another and sheepishly walked away... Anyway, this belated note is just a thank you for bringing all us Midtown West tens into the TBTL action (yes, there are a couple of us).

ANYWAY...they wrote back and told me that they would be reading my email on the air - not only did they read it aloud, it sparked a half hour conversation! I am officially cooler than I ever have been or will be again. This American Life, you're next!

So, go to www.mynorthwest.com/tbtl and download the podcast and listen to the second half of the 8:00 hour. And then continue to listen to the rest of the show. Then thank me. You will love this radio show. I promise.

In Memoriam - Casey Jost, 1994 (?) - 2008

2008-06-09T22:05:00.004-05:00

It was a very sad morning today - our sweetest and most perch-errific cat Casey died. She had not been doing well for a couple weeks, and she finally went to Kitty Heaven this morning at 7:45.

Everyone who knew Casey knew her to be among the friendliest of all cats. She was never one to hide underneath a couch - rather, she was always the first to jump on the lap of the nearest person. She purred up a storm, and she loved getting in people's grills.

We will miss her very much, and while we treasure the company of her sister Benny, Team Jost is one member shy now, and she shall never be replaced.

As you can see from these pictures, somethings that Casey loved were:

Boxes of all sorts
ZPJ's belly
Perching in high places
Posing for the camera
Her glorious neckbeard (unclear whether she loved that, or whether it was just us who loved it)
Her incomparable stripes, especially on her nose
Frolicking in the grass and plants
Being paid the proper respect due to a cat of her greatness
Catnip
Cuddling with her sister

Her mommy and daddy miss her very much already, and will always hold a very warm place in their hearts for her bossiness and stripeyness.

A special thanks to all of her friends who shared in her life, who scratched her ears and kissed her nose. She loved each and every one of us, and demanded that we love her back.

2008-06-09T11:40:00.004-05:00

Team Jost is down one member. Casey left us this morning, and we are very sad. We were both holding her and it was time for her to go, but it still feels like it just came upon us so quickly. We will never know exactly what went wrong, but the best guess is that is was something that hit her liver and hit it hard.

I know that some people don't understand pet-owners getting really weepy and philosophical when a pet dies, but Casey was really a big part of all of our family rituals and stories and history and I am just missing her so much right now.

I am going to be really indulgent and create a big post with lots of Casey pictures later today, but for now I'm too sad.

Hot Mess

2008-06-08T20:35:00.002-05:00

Yes, its gross and hot. More so when the AC goes out... Poor Casey Cat got stuck at the vets when the AC stopped working, so we left Boston early to pick her up. Things are not going well for Casey, as was demonstrated by the explosive black diarrhea in the Aricebo cab... yeah... the driver made us get out...

Anyway. Very hot. No cab. And both cell phones had died because somebody forgot to bring the chargers up to Boston.

Don't want to be a downer, but I don't think Bossy McStriperson is going to be with us much longer. Please send her your good thoughts. She is bearing her troubles with as much dignity as could be expected from a cat of her stature and bossiness.

West Coast Update

2008-06-03T22:30:00.002-05:00

I have two things to announce:

#1 - HRC showed a total lack of class and a tenuous grasp on reality tonight when she made her big speech in NYC and totally neglected to mention that 54 minutes earlier she had just lost her campaign. She actually allowed herself to be introduced as "the next President of the United States" and missed her chance to end this harrowing process with an ounce of grace and states(wo)manship. I mean, seriously. Her ability to completely deny facts that are disagreeable to her and stay the course regardless of reality reminds me of someone else who has recently got pushed to the sidelines of the political process...

#2 - Casey just chowed down on some Ocean Whitefish and Tuna Dinner all by herself for the first time in a week! I am over the moon. Despite her amazing turnaround, however, Ms. Striperson will be spending the weekend at the vet's while ZPJ and I go up to Boston. Benny will be all on her own! Party! (If ZPJ ever let me take any fun pictures of my cats in festive party hats, I would insert one here)

Is It Happening At Last?!?!?!?

2008-06-03T20:15:00.003-05:00

We never thought that the day would come, but it has.

It's over! Maybe we'll get a month or two off before the next nasty phase starts...

Unhappy Cat

2008-05-31T00:14:00.002-05:00

It's 1:15am and I just got done wrapping my cat in a towel and prying her mouth open so that ZPJ could squirt mushy food in her mouth with a syringe. Casey has lost a lot of weight in the last two months and something in her blood test was scary enough that the vet said we have to force feed her four times a day. She is literally starving to death and yet has no interest in food. What, oh what, could be wrong with my CaseyCat?

Are you asking yourself, "Didn't laurenj have a dangerously thin and sickly cat last year? Am I rereading an old blog post?" I'm asking myself the same thing. But this time it's the stripey cat, not the black cat. Why do my cats hate eating? It's like they're not even related to us!

I vote that having a sick pet sucks. I also vote that Casey should start eating by herself soon, because force feeding is not dignified or graceful for anyone involved. She is very sweet and cuddly when she's not feeling well, but all the same I'd prefer to have my old, bossy, browbeating percher back.

"Racist, yeah?"

2008-05-27T22:48:00.001-05:00

I've been working with some middle schoolers this spring - the residency is centered on the writings of Zora Neale Hurston and other writers from the Harlem Renaissance. The kids are writing "porch lies" or folktales in Zora's style and last week they had to come up with 'a big question' that their folktale would answer. "You know," I told them, "like 'why is the grass green?' or 'why does the sun rise in the morning?'"

Some of the kids come up with your standard nature-based questions, but some were a little more interesting. "Why are there immigrants?" "Why do people from different place not get along?" "Why were black people slaves?" The last question came up in the 7th grade class and the teacher pulls me aside and says, "They can't do that question. You'll get in trouble because it's racist." I told her that I didn't come up with the question and didn't have any intention of writing their assignment for them and I certainly didn't think it was racist anyway. In fact, I found it to be a very promising topic for the assignment. "Well," she tells me, "I'm telling you for your own good. There are a lot of politics around this place and you're going to get in trouble for being racist." I told her that, as their teacher, it was completely her call to tell the kids what they could write about, but I was fine with it.

Politics, indeed. I wonder why half of the groups came up with a question about race relations? Maybe because they're not aloud to talk about it? Perhaps this is how folktales are born...

I'm A Ten

2008-05-21T13:34:00.003-05:00

I've stopped reading, I've stopped listening to Talk of the Nation, I've even gotten behind on my This American Life.

NEW PODCAST CRACK:
Too Beautiful To Live out of 710AM KIRO Seattle

I will warn you, this three-hour nightly show is about NOTHING AT ALL but I absolutely can't stop listening to it. There are daily weigh-ins by the staff (not opinions, pounds), a weekly Gary Busey soundclip special, "TBTL is Mystery Solvers" segments, and Saved by the Bell tribute hours. They also have a wonderful facebook page. It is absolutely the best antidote to too many hours of election-related-punditry, because there is nothing relevant or meaningful on this show, other than wonderful soundclips from The Internets.

There are tens of listeners. I am one of them. You should be, too.

Casey's Big Adventure

2008-05-20T19:12:00.003-05:00

We got home last night after being gone for over 12 hours and Casey was nowhere to be found. We were very worried for several reasons, among them being that she has been slightly sickly lately. Not really ill, just lethargic and grumpy. We searched the apartment everywhere for Her Stripyness and, not finding a clue of her, not a warm spot, not a ring of stripey fur, not an indented laundry pile, we began the search outdoors.

Who can know what Ms. Striperson's version of the story is, but it undoubtedly begins with an unexpected boon - several hours outside in the sunshine - but then the dream turns to a nightmare when the rain starts and it gets dark and after many hours no one opened the door to bring her food. She eventually scraped a hole under the fence and escaped into the neighbor's courtyard, but who knows how long she was there.

We were the saddest looking couple in Brooklyn last night, roaming around the streets of Park Slope, clicking our tongues and crying out "Casey! Casey!" and peering into courtyards and down alleys. I even snuck into someones alley and skulked through their courtyard in my search for my little old lady cat. We were absolutely distraught with the thought of here being chased into the park by squirrels or kidnapped by someone who thought that such a skinny, scrawny, complainy cat was OBVIOUSLY being abused or neglected and needed a good home. But she had a good home! With us!

We finally found her, not blocks and blocks away but in the courtyard right next to ours, ten feet from the hole that she'd climbed through. Not much of an adventurer, that cat. She was spooked, though, and wouldn't come when we called, so we had to get a neighbor to let us into the courtyard to rescue her. She was safely returned home and she just cuddled and purred and ate and seemed to completely forgive her daddy for locking her outside.

It goes without saying that our liberal backyard policy has been revised and restored to the more closely monitored policies of last year. Tough, but necessary.

Welcome back home, Casey, The Bossy Boss Striperson!

AIDS Walk 2008

2008-05-18T18:11:00.004-05:00

Just returned from the Walk. Team Supersnack raised $55,479.00, which is pretty amazing (we are in the top ten out of thousands of teams), and ZPJ and I helped raise $2,000.00 of that. Special thanks to all our sponsors, including some readers:

tarak
Isaac
IPJ
linsdey
Whitney and Elliott
and MNS, who came to the Benefit on Friday

I hope I'm not missing someone who might actually read this blog...But seriously. We were overwhelmed by how supportive all our friends are. You rock!

Some pictures from the walk....

As promised, upon reaching 1G, I dyed my hair. I was going for pink but it turned orange because I didn't use a strong enough bleach.

This is us with The Snackster, who was our team mascot this year. He was fun and good natured (but also kind of a perv - he kept scratching his crotch and grabbing people's butts).

Here are some more Supersnackers - a highlight of the walk was finding another mascot to join our family:

The Snackster after a long day walking....

Thanks again to everyone. We really gave AIDS something to cry about today!

2008-05-12T21:08:00.003-05:00

So, I haven't posted in awhile because I've been here:

Doing this:
And enjoying these:
Even when it was rainy:
Clouds make for good sunsets:
When the sun comes out, so do the nudie boats:

Very romantic:

Especially after a couple (dozen) coconut drinks:

Finally:

I am so incredibly sad to be back in NYC.

Kermumpfled

2008-05-01T07:56:00.002-05:00

Along with the usual sleep-deprivation and self-doubt, my stress this week has been augmented by an unhealthy relationship that I am not pleased about. It's not an intimate relationship. It's not even, in the scheme of things, that important of a relationship. But it is unhealthy, and it is affecting my ability to have perspective about other things. I blogged about this EXACT situation regarding this EXACT person in November of 2006 - one of my very first posts to this now-legendary bastion of memoir and insight. Why is it still an issue? Why still unhealthy? I vote that it's because old habits die hard and you can't make a tiger change its stripes and neither is it easy to teach an old dog new tricks. That's what I say. Oh, also, people are stupid.

I get easily ruffled when things aren't going smoothly. Are my standards and expectations unreasonable? Is it too much to expect that we could ALL JUST GET ALONG?

Schmoozing

2008-04-30T06:09:00.003-05:00

Last night was the Gala. You know, I really don't like event planning, but I seem to be good at it and I keep finding myself in these situations. Bad news: yesterday was a 18 hour day. Good news: it looks like we earned between 10 and 20 percent of our annual income in those hours.

Surprise/learning moment of the evening: I thought all our Board members were crusty and old, but they showed up and it turns out that they're mostly pretty young and some of them are kinda hot! Go, Board members!

All I can think about today.

Worrisome

2008-04-24T11:44:00.003-05:00

My stripey kitty is feeling sickish this week. She's on antibiotics, but she's been lethargic and grumpy. Usually she's bossy and perchy. I hope she's okay.

It's one of those weeks where things are tending to get blown out of proportion in my mind. Little comments become big concerns. Small frustrations become life or death issues. Small delays become major issues.

Any guesses what could be causing this lack of perspective?

Spring Breakish

2008-04-23T07:52:00.002-05:00

School is out this week. This means that my mornings aren't quite so early, but it also leaves me with much fewer anecdotes. Some pearls from last week:

I discovered that one of the teachers that I am working with "stole" a drama-in-ed exercise and was using it with here non-residency classes. *warm fuzzies*
Scene: A chaotic and loud classroom. After being asked what strategies the class could use to improve their focus/respect, one student stared me down and demanded, "Entertain me." A new view on the role of the teaching artist...
After joking with a reluctant student that he must be glad I didn't make him dance, he looked me in the eye for a few seconds and calmly said with disdain, "There's just something about you that bothers me." Then he flounced away, and made it about 10 feet before he was compelled to spin around and yell, "WHAT?!?! At least I don't LIE about it like SOME PEOPLE would!!!!" Ah, middle school.
During a school performance, the actor said "bitch" and "shit" within one sentence, the audience went silent, and then one student stood up and yelled out "I LOVE THIS PLAY!!!!" and the auditorium erupted in cheers. Ah, middle school.
A student (the first ever) actually took me up on my offer to look at some of his poems and possibly pass them on to one of the writers at the company for notes. We've been emailing. Work address, of course, not personal. It's been awhile since I've encountered students who are actually inspired rather than oppressed by the prospect of writing. *warm fuzzies*

Roses and thorns, my friends, roses and thorns.

We're going to play a little game now:

FORTUNATELY...I get to have a little break to revive my spirit and sleep cycle.

UNFORTUNATELY...I have to be in the office all week instead.

FORTUNATELY...our annual Gala is next week, so there is much work to be done.

UNFORTUNATELY...no one is actually doing the work because my office is a highly inefficient machine where distraction and excuses run amok.

FORTUNATELY...I'm building up comp hours so I don't have to take vacation time when I go to Jamaica.

UNFORTUNATELY...I'm not in Jamaica yet.

FORTUNATELY...I have a good perspective and am very patient.

UNFORTUNATELY...I was lying about that last one.

So Sad for the First Born

2008-04-20T21:58:00.002-05:00

I got to celebrate Passover with MNS and ipj and a bunch of others this evening. Some highlights:

Smash the binary gender system!
Something about loving and supporting people with livers
The Seder meal is intentionally low in protein and starch, and yet there is a LOT of wine. I'm a little boozy. Those Jews know how to party! I thought the Episcopalians drank a lot...
Disagreements on who exactly parted the Red Sea
Reconstituted fish jelly is a 5-out-of-10 in flavor, but a 0-out-of-10 in texture.

First Bloom of Spring

2008-04-15T18:04:00.003-05:00

Last fall I planted a huge amount of bulbs in anticipation of the first colors of spring. Well, the squirrels had their way with a lot of them, and those that remained are taking their sweet time to bloom. My courtyard is narrow and deep and north and doesn't get a lot of sunshine, so everything is blooming and growing about two or three weeks behind the plants in the front of the building.

I'm happy to present, however, the first bloom of the season, which appeared yesterday!

In celebration, I did a little yard work this evening:

Raking the yard
Laying down grass seed in the bare patches of the lawn (which is pretty much all of it thanks to the squirrels)
Planting nasturtium and morning glory seeds along the fence
Planting two pots with leftover bulbs that I found sprouting in my waterproof tub in the back. I don't know if they will actually come up or not, but I figured that planting them was at least giving them a slightly better chance than in the compost pile.

A Week of Early Mornings

2008-04-15T05:11:00.002-05:00

I looked at my calendar yesterday and was shocked, shocked to discover that every morning this week features being in some remote part of the outer boroughs at 8am. I hope that it is clear to all who know me that I don't even like being out of bed by 8am, so having to take the subway, the Long Island Rail Road and a 40-minute bus ride to be at a school in the far-reaches of Queens by 8am is not my cup of tea. Bayridge and Bayview might sound close together, but they are not. It is a week of travelling.

Days like today remind me why people get cars. Sometimes it is nice not to take two hours to travel fifteen miles.

2008-04-10T11:58:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I was moved to talk to a stranger on the subway. Not just talk to, but actually tap on the shoulder and start a conversation with.

I know, I know, no one wants to turn into the crazy person who starts conversations with strangers...

But this guy was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME and he was reading a book that I had finished just 12 HOURS BEFORE. And it was a book that I LOVED. So I felt called upon to tell him that we shared the common experience of this book and that I loved it and I hoped he loved it to.

Does this make me crazy?

Maybe if it had just been a regular book, it wouldn't have really moved me to break the unbreakable and unspoken rule of non-subway-talking, but it was a book about somewhat surreal and unlikely connections between people, so it seemed appropriate.

The funny thing was, once I had talked to this guy, who was very receptive to my conversation, I suddenly realized that there were lots of things that I wanted to talk to people about. I wanted to ask the woman across from me where she got her ring. I wanted to tell the woman next to me that she was watching one of my favorite episodes of Lost on her iPhone.

DO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS ON THE SUBWAY. It is a dangerous and slippery slope. You do not want to know where it will lead you.

Suspense

2008-04-07T12:14:00.002-05:00

I have a great sense of anticipation and suspense today, but I'm not entirely sure what I'm waiting for. I feel like maybe I'm expecting a check in the mail instead of a bill (I wish) or a letter from an old friend or call for a job or some other kind of good news. What could it be?!?! I'm getting a little antsy thinking about what it could be, but so far there are no clues as to what it is I'm waiting for. I'm just, generally speaking, on the edge of my seat. I keep checking my email and glancing at the headlines and looking at my phone to make sure I haven't missed a call.

Can you tell me what I'm waiting for???